Friday, 21 December 2012

Celebrate Survival With Therapy

So it seems like we aren't dead, yet. I must say I am most disappointed with our former Mayan overlords. I hope that they're laughing their asses off while they chill out up in wherever it is Mayans go when they die. Anyway that's not really the point of this post, I already addressed all that crap in the podcast yesterday. This is a post about my most recent therapy session, and, warning, it could get pretty inconsistent and all over the place.

Before my therapy session even started, I decided to walk in to town and have some dinner at Subway because, it's fucking Subway. I was quite proud of myself for that really. When I got to the doctors I was the only person in the waiting room. It was pretty damn freaky. Sick people came in, but they never stayed. I want to know what happened to them all.

2012 anyone?

One of the reasons I've been so thoroughly depressed this week is because I came to realise how lonely I really am. I was kinda happy these past few weeks but my weekend with Jessica was absolutely perfect. Best two days ever, and then when I realised it was ending, I got depressed. Actually when she left I would even look over at where she slept. See I want to be happy with my own company. I want to be happy with myself and spending time with myself. I guess though that this isn't totally possible. Suzy really wants me to get, for lack of a better term, a social network. She wants me to make friends and really I know this is the best way to fix being lonely. Get some more people to talk to. It's not that I have too much trouble with admitting I'm lonely, sometimes I don't even have trouble making friends, but I find it very hard to keep them. Friends take time and energy and effort and I'm just no good at that stuff. This is another problem I have with making friends; I'm used to them leaving me. Screw it I can probably turn this into a separate post and not ramble about the same subject.

One thing she asked me is I'm sure I'm ready for this change. She puts a lot of effort in but it's no good if I don't give anything back. I can do things because she tells me to, and to tell myself "it's for therapy" but then after the therapy sessions are done, I won't be able to do anything. I told her that I had been doing things without telling her though, such as going to Subway before I went to the session, and how I walk to the supermarket instead of going in the car with my dad. The fact I didn't tell her until I felt I had to says in a way that I did it for myself, and not to impress her in any way. So I think by the end she was happy that I was able to do it for myself, and that I could make the changes necessary.

She had me plan out my entire next week. Well, things I'm going to do, including two writing sessions, two walks, and even going back to work for a few hours. If I can stick to this timetable I will be pretty damn happy.


8 comments:

  1. Haha, can you imagine that stalion shouting LEEEEEROY JENKINS! 8'D

    In all seriousness though, getting friends won't be much of a problem for you. And just act with 'em like you act with me and all the other folks up here, and you'll have no problem keeping them either.

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  2. Yep, the more you talk about Suzy, the more I like her. She is not only having you examine yourself but also put your words into actions and make plans. You're already doing so much and you've come so far and then you're willing to take that steps further, it's quite impressive!

    Mmmm, Subway, Eat fresh. Michael Strahan is that commercial, ya know!

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  3. I'm glad to hear this went well once again, I really like the sounds of this therapist, I'm glad you've found a gem buddy and she's doing such a good job with you.

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  4. I'm also glad the world never ended. I'd have missed you buddy.

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  5. I can't really comment on how to make friends and keep them... But for the depression I can say, just try to keep busy if you can. If your mind is on something else, it won't be on whatever is making you down.

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  6. The only problem with the whole world not ending thing is now I have to actually make plans for the weekend...or not.

    Sounds like you are doing great with the therapy. Keep up the progress!

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  7. Mark, I've made the offer before and I'll make it again. If you want someone to talk to hit me up with an email and I can add you on Skype or something.

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  8. Friends are definitely a good thing. And there's something to be said about those that you can see and do things for face to face. Internet friends are nice, but you can never go out for drinks with them, go to a movie, or any of that

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