So it seems like we aren't dead, yet. I must say I am most disappointed with our former Mayan overlords. I hope that they're laughing their asses off while they chill out up in wherever it is Mayans go when they die. Anyway that's not really the point of this post, I already addressed all that crap in the podcast yesterday. This is a post about my most recent therapy session, and, warning, it could get pretty inconsistent and all over the place.
Before my therapy session even started, I decided to walk in to town and have some dinner at Subway because, it's fucking Subway. I was quite proud of myself for that really. When I got to the doctors I was the only person in the waiting room. It was pretty damn freaky. Sick people came in, but they never stayed. I want to know what happened to them all.
One of the reasons I've been so thoroughly depressed this week is because I came to realise how lonely I really am. I was kinda happy these past few weeks but my weekend with Jessica was absolutely perfect. Best two days ever, and then when I realised it was ending, I got depressed. Actually when she left I would even look over at where she slept. See I want to be happy with my own company. I want to be happy with myself and spending time with myself. I guess though that this isn't totally possible. Suzy really wants me to get, for lack of a better term, a social network. She wants me to make friends and really I know this is the best way to fix being lonely. Get some more people to talk to. It's not that I have too much trouble with admitting I'm lonely, sometimes I don't even have trouble making friends, but I find it very hard to keep them. Friends take time and energy and effort and I'm just no good at that stuff. This is another problem I have with making friends; I'm used to them leaving me. Screw it I can probably turn this into a separate post and not ramble about the same subject.
One thing she asked me is I'm sure I'm ready for this change. She puts a lot of effort in but it's no good if I don't give anything back. I can do things because she tells me to, and to tell myself "it's for therapy" but then after the therapy sessions are done, I won't be able to do anything. I told her that I had been doing things without telling her though, such as going to Subway before I went to the session, and how I walk to the supermarket instead of going in the car with my dad. The fact I didn't tell her until I felt I had to says in a way that I did it for myself, and not to impress her in any way. So I think by the end she was happy that I was able to do it for myself, and that I could make the changes necessary.
She had me plan out my entire next week. Well, things I'm going to do, including two writing sessions, two walks, and even going back to work for a few hours. If I can stick to this timetable I will be pretty damn happy.