Wednesday, 29 February 2012

OBJECTION!

Court post, couldn't resist the reference. So as I just said this is about my day (well few hours) in court. I said I would do this Friday and to the podcast today but I think it makes more sense to go this way. The podcast IS recorded though, so expect it Friday. I recorded while cooking my dinner.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I was woken up today pretty early by my dad, and we set out kind of early too. Though it turned out to be a good thing we did. My dad followed the map instead of the street signs (don't recommend that btw) so it took us a little bit longer to get to the court than I would have liked. Though even then we were very early. They told me to arrive about fifty minutes before the trial actually started. I was due in at half one, and the trial didn't start until twenty past two. As such I had a fair amount of time to kill in the witness waiting room. My solicitor was kinda cute though. Charming voice too, that guy seriously put me at ease. If I was to be a lawyer (not likely) I imagine he's the kind of guy I'd want to be.

So anyway, I watch some news, read some very old magazines, and eventually I get lead into the courtroom. Turns out my guy forgot that we were in juvenile court and so I had to ask permission for my dad to be there. Despite the fact that the other guy had both his parents with him. Still the magistrates were nice and said he could sit there, which was kinda a relief.

After briefly swearing on the bible, that I would tell the truth not actual cursing, the thing started. By the way did you know these days that you don't have to swear on the bible? You can take something called an affirmation. I didn't realise this, and you can correct me if I'm wrong but I think in America you still have to swear on the bible. I had no problem swearing to God though. I've sworn at the guy, might as well swear to him.

We start off with me confirming my name, and then my solicitor, I'm just going to call him Guy because the defending solicitor was a girl, so she shall be Girl. So, Guy asks me some questions and I give him all the right answers (he said I was softly spoken, my heart melted) and I think it went well. I barely stumbled or stuttered or rambled. Though I was picking my nails and my feet were moving, so I know I was kinda nervous.

After that Girl gets up, and what I thought might happen, happened. She picked apart everything. She made me say that there was no way to know for sure if the second person who came into the house was definitely male. That there was a possibility that after he turned out the lights he left the house and the girl who was outside came in and stole the router. I know she's doing her job, but still, yeahhhh this guys nervous, let's make him admit he could be wrong.

I guess I don't really have an issue with what she did, like I said, it was her job, but I'd hate to see the guy get off just because I didn't know for sure it was a boy or a girl.

I left after I gave my evidence and I'm going to learn by post what happened with this. So for now all I can do is sit it out and wonder what happened. Oh well.

At least I went.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Putting On The Brakes

Here we are again my friends, it's time for another look at what happened in my driving lesson (next one is tomorrow btw). To be honest I felt like I was traumatized or just seriously shocked after it. Shocked in the sense of being in shock/going into shock/whatever. I didn't hit anything don't worry, but boy do I seriously bloody suck at this.

I know it's only been three lessons and everyone learns things at different paces, and some people can never learn to drive anyway (good lord I hope I'm not one of them) and everything but it really does feel like I make way to many mistakes. Like I should be better than I am. The biggest mistake I made was asking my instructor if I should be better, and how I'm doing. He said I'm improving and I should just focus on that. Then proceeded to rip me apart on what I'm doing wrong. Though to be fair I did ask for his criticism and I'm overdoing just what he said. It wasn't that bad. My biggest problem is by far braking and clutch control. I knew I would suck with a manual, which is part of the reason I suck with a manual. I went in not thinking I could do it. I had already convinced myself I couldn't. I can tap the accelatrix just fine and move at a slow and steady pace (though sometimes I screw up there too and shoot off a little too fast, which causes me to shit myself, which is part of the reason I went into shock, which is going to cause Henry to correct me about going/being in shock) but I can't lightly tap the brakes. He said I'm naturally heavy footed, so even if I tap it the sensitivity is going to still be there and the car is still going to jerk. Fair enough I am a heavy set guy with big feet (size ten reporting in) but I've seen people much bigger than me drive just fine. It's just something I'm going to have to learn to adjust for I guess. He said it could take like ten lessons for me to get good at braking. Feck my fecking life.

I'm also messing up with the clutch though. I'm not pressing it in all the way when I have to. I'm not reading the road properly either.

I suppose at least I always check my mirrors, and I can change gears without looking at the gear stick. Except for when I almost started the car in third because you have to move it to the left before pushing up for first.

I have three problems I'm going to overcome, but the thing is these are mostly mental, mostly psychological, I can't fix my problems just by driving more.

1. I went in thinking I was going to suck. As much as I can say I also thought "I got this" the fact remains I went in with a negative attitude too.

2. I still haven't gotten over my fear of crashing. I joke all the time I'm going to hit something, and I am genuinely worried I will. This is the thing I really have to get over.

3. I get no practice. I haven't been going long enough for my dad to let me use his car. The most I can do with him is drive up and down, and I don't really want to inconvenience him like that. There's no reason he should have to sit in a car with me while I attempt to move it just because I'm failing.

I'm just not really used to not getting things. There are plenty of things I never got, like the guitar, or my brief stint with programming or photoshop. But with them I never really put in the effort. I never really tried. I'm trying here, I'm trying and I'm failing and it's being a mental shock as well as a physical one. This is something I really want, and I'm putting effort in, I'm trying to be better but it's just not going how I want.

Though I never expected to be a driving God after three lessons.

I'll get there. I'm almost sure of it.

Monday, 27 February 2012

Round Up

I've not really been in much of a writing mood lately so I can say thank you round up post. I also have a few posts to get ready. By which I mean literally two. No wait...4 actually. One of which is a podcast. Oooh goody my week is covered. If I can hold off talking about certain things. Anyway, it's time to look back at the week that was last week.

Tuesday was my first podcast. What did I do for my first ever podcast? I chatted for 17 minutes. I was answering 33 questions though in the course of it it turned out a few questions were repeats, and ultimately I only answered 31 different questions. It would have been longer but with me losing my hard drive, I also lost my old internet history that had more questions. Anyway, like I said look forward to another one of those this week. I think it's more than likely going to be Wednesday this week.

Speaking of Wednesday I gave a write up of the week before lasts driving lesson. Expect a write up of last weeks driving lesson tomorrow. Yes it would be easier to give a report on it the week it happens but I don't do things the easy way. Or the hard way for that matter. I only have "Wrong Mode."

Thursday I went back to traditional emotasticular day. This Thursday is going to be personal too but I don't think it's going to be dark and moody and deadly. So what was my problem last week? I couldn't cry. I still can't. Despite everything that has happened to me lately I still cannot cry.

Friday I talked about how you shouldn't regret anything. How every mistake can help us to grow and become better. I do think that the more we suffer, the better a person we become. You see it all the time with things like relationships. People wonder why girls go with the "bad boys", well you see she needs to go through some bad boys to appreciate a "good guy". Same applies to guys. We need to be screwed over. It sucks but it's how it goes. Life either creates or destroys you. It's not likely to destroy me no matter how hard it tries. I think life is afraid of me >_>

SEE. I CAN talk positively.

Saturday I posted a poem I wrote about the darkness within myself. It's not just my depression but it's also my anger and just everything. I really do push and pull people away at the same time. I may go more into it some other time, but for now suffice to say I'm so afraid of rejection I reject others myself.

Sunday well really I think the less said about that the better. But the song this week was Novocaine by Bon Jovi. Sadly there was no actual Novocaine to be found.

Cowgirl if you read this, damn right I'm going to feel compelled to respond to all your comments (may have done it already) and I'll give some background as to why I'm in court tomorrow when I talk about it. Which may be Friday. But basically I was robbed last Halloween (you might remember that) and as the sole witness I have to go because the cunt pleaded not guilty. I know you want to reclaim the word cunt for vagina's everywhere but I think you'll let me get away with it.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

I Wish I Had Novocaine

I was going to make a different post today. Though that was scrapped. My weekend has been incredibly horrible. It has been shit. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Alright maybe not everything, I still have Jessie. I still have you guys. For now. I don't even know how Jessie hasn't left me behind either. I don't want to talk about it though. Right now I want to listen to Novocaine by Bon Jovi and wish I had some. I don't want to feel the pain.



No I'm not being dramatic. My life is that shit right now. Alright maybe my life might not be that bad, but bad things have gone down, and no I don't really want to talk about it. No, I don't see them getting better, but then again I never do. In fact I know they aren't going to get better. I'm in court Tuesday, Wednesday I have a driving lesson (more on why that can be bad on Tuesday) and on Thursday I'm being measured for a suit for my sisters wedding. Learning my measurements is going to be about as far as fun as it's possible for me to get. Except perhaps going to the doctor to see if I'm actually Autistic. No need to worry though, I'll be fine soon enough. I always jump between happy and sad. I'm getting kind of sick of that really. Anyway, music day, I'll shut up now.

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Just Because

So I still have no story to go here but I do have something more substantial. At about 10 o'clock last night I found myself writing poetry. I'm as amazed as you are that it turns out I can write it at decent hours. Yes I consider 10 o'clock decent. Anyway, I showed it to a friend of mine and she insisted I put it up here. So here it is. If you need me I'll be hiding from the fact that I did this. I never ever host my own poetry, and I don't totally know why. Here is my latest poem (though not my best) The Beast. I'd say enjoy but no one can enjoy this.


Walking through the forest
That is my mind
It's almost amazing
What you might find

There are lovers
Past and present
Friends are there too
Some possibly heaven-sent

There is light all around
Shining through the trees
And the smell of flowers
Flowing in the breeze

It isn't all like this
I'm afraid I must admit
There's a dark part too
More than just a bit

It grows in size
It rises and it falls
I really am lost
When the darkness calls

A terrible beast
He lives in there
It can be a terrible burden
But it's one I must bear

He rips and he tears
He destroys all I hold
If I ever feel the warmth
He makes sure I am cold

Pain and misery
Are all that he knows
Disdain and hate
All that he shows

He snarls and he growls
At whatever he can
A beast is he
No longer a man

What awakes him?
I hear you say
I think he awakens
When the skies turn gray

When even a shadow of a doubt
Creeps into my mind
He feeds upon it
and breaks the chains that bind

Whenever I feel sad or hurt
The times I feel pain
I fade to grey
The beast once again

The worst is yet to come
For you see
That terrbile creature, that beast
He is me

Friday, 24 February 2012

I Regret Nothing, Kind Of

A good friend of mine who I love to pieces recently went through some very bad times, and found herself regretting some of the things she did. I'm not going to go into details, it's her story to tell, and I don't see her telling it (I didn't even get the full story but that's partly because there were bits of it that were "need to know" and I didn't need to know). But it got me thinking about regret, and it's something I may have covered before, but when you're as forgetful as me, you'll find yourself talking about something more than once. Frankly I'll be amazed if this is the first time I've done it. Anyway, regret.

I'm not going to say don't regret anything, because no one can do that. I'm just going to say try not to regret. You're going to regret things sure, but accept the fact that they happened, and try to see that maybe some good came out of it. I've talked before about how my relationship really screwed me up, and is still killing most of my chance for redemption, but I don't regret what happened, what I did. I don't regret getting with that girl. If I didn't get with her I would never ever have joined Facebook. I had no reason to until she told me to do it. Well, asked. If I had never joined Facebook I would never have met Jessie again after two years. It's now been nine years we've been together. That's a long time, especially for me. She's the only person I've been on a constant talking basis with for more than two years.

I've mentioned briefly about disastrous relationships since then. I'm not even sure you can call them relationships, but I don't regret those either. Or try not to. I came into those people's lives when they needed someone like me. I always have actually. It's kind of fun to think of yourself as some kind of agent of fate, that comes into a person's life when they need someone like you. Anyway, in my own way I helped improve their lives, or in the case of one person, I just got her through a rough patch so that she could go back to being a bitch. Either way I gave her a reason to hope, how she came out was not my doing. I wish she had ended up different but she didn't and I have to live with that just as much as she does. Though I don't have to live with it at all actually. We haven't talked in two years.

The only one of those I kind of regret is the one I'm still not sure wasn't a dude pretending to be a girl to get free shit from me. I don't mind giving people gifts though, plus I never gave her/him anything. I win. Kind of.

The general point is to try not to regret what you have done in your life, whatever it was. It happened, and that's it. You can either continue to be sad about it, or you can learn from it, or at least learn about it properly. If you regret getting into a relationship because it ended and caused nothing but pain, then think of what good happened to you during that time, or became of it. Or think about why it ended, if there was something you could have done, then do it next time. Help your next relationship truly blossom. If you regret getting physical with someone to early, then try not to. If they turned out to be a jerk, and it's over, then learn from it. Take it into the next relationship you have that you should wait more. Unless all you want is something physical I guess. Failed relationships help us grow as people, and bring us closer to that ultimate perfect relationship. Never forget as well that you can't choose who you love. That is something that I may potentially regret.

Also, talk to me more dammit! I can tell you what to take from things, and at the least I can give you a hug until the pain goes away.

By the way this isn't personally aimed at that friend. It's more for everyone. Though if you want to see it that way then feel free too. As long as someone gains something from this, I'll be moderately almost happy.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Tonight I Wanna Cry

In the tradition of Thursday being "Razorblade Day", a tradition that was kind of broken last week but hey it's not really an established one, I'm going to tell you all about my inability to cry. Like I said, get the razorblades.

I've talked about this to Jessie as well, and I'm still not really closer to an answer. She says that tears are a way of letting go, it's a physical sign that we're letting go and moving on, and that some people just don't want to let go. It's no secret I'm a sad and lonely young man, and it makes you wonder just why I would want to hold on to the hurt. Why am I so reluctant to let go, and let it all out? Again, going back to Jessie, she says that there are people who only know hurt, and when hurt is all you know, you don't want to let go of it. I don't think hurt is all I have, but it is what is familiar, it is what is comfortable. I don't know what I gain by staying depressed, and from not letting go, but I guess I can answer that question myself. I can keep hold of what I have.

I get depressed from time to time...all the time. But when I do get down, it isn't long until I've picked myself back up. This is another side of the argument. Maybe the pain isn't as bad as it is in my head, and I'm just not feeling enough to be able to cry. Last week I even tried to make myself cry. I feel anger more than I feel sadness. When I am sad I get angry instead. Despite how sad and depressed I am, I refuse to accept it. I refuse to break down and be sad. I channel it into something else. Typically anger, like I said, at something that happens to be annoying me, or usually the person who made me sad. This just causes me to hurt others though, which makes me feel worse in the long run, and isn't healthy. It's even almost cost me some friendships. May have even actually cost me some.

Sometimes though I just think that I am totally unbreakable. Life can get me down, and it can get on top of me, but it can never break me. Maybe I'm just a lot tougher than I think I am. But sometimes I do think that if I was truly that strong, I would be able to cry.

Sometimes, I really do wish I could cry, and sometimes, I really wonder why I can't. Or just won't.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Turning A Corner

Yes, I'm going to keep using driving puns, yes I'm running out already, and yes I'm going to use them as long as I can. Like I mentioned my driving lesson was held off until the Tuesday (and my next one is today) and as you can see, I came out alive once again. Though there were more close calls this time.

There was more a lot more traffic this time, and everyone decided to park in the street, so I was driving on the wrong side of the road most of the time and shitting myself whenever I see another car. I also had more cars behind and in front of me including a fucking truck and two motorcycles. I have gotten much better at changing gears though, and knowing just where the things in the car are. I don't look at what my hand is going to as much. Not perfected the pedal position yet though.

I also did an impromptu three point turn when he accidentally lead me down a dead end road. Though I didn't do it myself actually. I just controlled the steering while he controlled the pedals. It still counts though, I've done a three point turn and I don't care what people say.

One of the only major mistakes I made (in my mind at least) is when I accelerated down a hill instead of just rolling down and having to do a sudden brake. I also haven't quite perfected braking at all actually. I either brake too sharply or too softly.

Also at the end there wasn't room to pull up so I had to pull into a car park and go behind a bus (that was as scary as it sounds) and park properly within the lines. I almost, really, made it. I was just about to pull in properly when I stalled the car. What matters though is that I was inside the lines and I can drive straight. I could have made it.

Of course it also matters that I didn't crash the car, and that my instructor said that I'm improving. Yay me!

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

33 Questions And Me (Or How I Talked For 17 Minutes)

I woke up pretty damn early after writing poetry at 2am. Literally. I was literally writing at 2am dammit. I thought seeing as I woke up this early then I might as well publish this early, though I doubt anyone would really read it any earlier.

I said I would do this, and I did it. My very first podcast. I've already explained before this isn't the first podcast I wanted to do, but it is the first one I'm doing. If I can salvage my other one I may edit it and make it into one anyway. For now, sit back, and enjoy as I talk for 17 freakin minutes! I know at least one person who may enjoy this. But I hope some more of you do too.









It didn't want to work with me in previews and if it doesn't want to work when the time comes you can find the podcast here:http://ramblingperson.podbean.com/2012/02/20/first-postqa/ I may be on iTunes too but I have no idea.

If you have other ideas for me to do with podcasts then please tell me and I'll see what I can do.

Monday, 20 February 2012

The Week That Was...Last Week

Hey gang, for once a post that is out at the right time as for once I didn't forget to make it or get too lazy to make it. I think one of those reasons accounts for why the weekend posts were late. I'm going to choose that to be the case anyway. Though I guess as well for once life distracted me. It was bound to happen eventually I guess. It has a shit way of doing that to you. Anyway, let's get on with the show.

Tuesday was a story told from the perspective of my wolf teddy Zevi. It was widely agreed in the comments that he is adorable and I was right to not throw him out or give him away given that he was a present from my first girlfriend.

Wednesday was my response to being tagged...five times. Though I only responded to two in the post, and I plan on doing a podcast/recording of the other...33 questions this week. Look forward to hearing me drone on and on and on. Though I know at least one person who likes the sound of my voice.

Thursday in a break from tradition (that is going to be rectified this week) rather than talk about something utterly depressing I talked a bit about my teenage years, and how I was actually quite well behaved during them. Though I suppose since I talked about being depressed it may count towards my tradition of making Thursday depressing.

Friday I tried to spread some awareness about a South African couple who are being held captive by Somali pirates and have been for the past 14 months. Thank you to anyone who helped out in any way, those that didn't, well, you're entitled to do what you want, we're cool.

Saturday I still didn't have my story restored so instead posted some high res gaming backgrounds/awesome pictures. It was agreed they look awesome.

Sunday I posted not one, but six songs that got me through a recent depressed period I suffered. There was two depressing songs I listened to in an attempt to make myself cry (didn't work, more on that later) followed by six songs that can be used to cheer you up. Sadly there was no Livin' On A Prayer involved.



For everyone who requested it.

Have a good week guys.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

A Musical Journey

A slightly late post again. This time though it's not that I didn't have anything planned it's that I didn't get about to doing it. I would say life got busy (and it kinda did) but it didn't get that busy. I guess you could say more distracting. Anyway. I was a bit depressed recently, as I always am eventually, and instead of posting just one song, I thought I would share with you the six songs that got me through it. Two depressing as hell ones, and then we pick up for the last four. The point of the first two was that I was trying to make myself cry, but more on that later in the week, or next week, depending on your view point.

First up; Dead Boy's Poem by Nightwish


Second; Sleeping Sun, also by Nightwish


Next we get a bit happier with Doing The Unstuck by The Cure. That's right folks The Cure actually made some life affirming music. But I guess in a way Disintegration was life affirming because it was more melancholic than outright depressing. Anyway, Doing The Unstuck.


Fourth is Last Man Standing by Bon Jovi


Fifth is Unbreakable, also by Bon Jovi


Last but not least is Carpe Noctem (Seize The Night) by Wuthering Heights. Because seriously, if you cannot win the day, seize the night. I love that line so damn much.


Enjoy folks!

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Hmmmmm

I'm still not totally sure what to put here, mostly because I didn't plan anything ahead of time. Not like me at all. I also don't have many more pictures than I did last time, not counting poni ones, and if I was to dedicate a whole post to poni there would be riots. Instead I'm going to do something I really don't like to do, and that is rehash someone else's ideas. I was on a blog recently and I came across 40 HD gaming wallpapers. I didn't download all 40, in fact I didn't download many of them at all, and so for today's post I'm going to share with you the gaming wallpapers I got. Bonus points if you can guess the game but it's not going to be that hard to do. If I still don't have my story back by next week I'll at least try to post something original, who needs meaningful on a weekend? Enjoy the pretty pictures! Also because of how much Blogger hates me chances are to see the full picture and save it you are going to have to right click and open them in a new tab.










Friday, 17 February 2012

A Good Cause

I'm almost sorry I couldn't let the week get by without a bit of activism but that would be a silly thing for me to do. Besides this isn't really too much in the way of activism, I'm here today to help spread awareness of something and I will be using quotes from fellow blogger (and all round awesome person) TayTay. The original blog can be found hither, and I also suggest following her blog anyway.

The point of this? It's fundraising. Now now keep reading please. There is a South African couple who were kidnapped by Somali pirates 14 months ago. That's right folks, fourteen, four-teen months ago. They're still there, and they need all the help they can get.
The ransom so far stands at four million dollars. Don't worry I'm not about to ask you to donate four million dollars. Though if one of you is secretly rich that would be awesome. This is something Tay said that I'm quoting directly "now let me just tell you that here we work in Rands, and the current exchange rate is something like R1=$8. Meaning that we have to raise something like R10 million. In order to help we can SMS the word SOS to 38417. It donates R10 (roughly $2,5) towards the fund. There is also a Facebook Page and a Website where you can find out more about them and you can hear the conversation that was recorded."

According to the website you can only text that if you are South African, but from the website as well there are details for how to make a direct bank transfer.

BANKING DETAILS
to make a direct transfer or EFT
a contribution of your own choice
FIRST NATIONAL BANK
Florida Road, Durban Branch
Branch / IBAN Code:  22 05 26
(Universal Code 250655 may also be used)
Acc Name: SOS BRU and DEB TRUST
Acc. No: 6232 556 1505
( Swift Code: FIRNZAJJ)
They also have a Paypal option on there. Which is what I used.
I myself have just donated four euros to this. Which is a bit over five dollars (according to Google). Twice how much a text will get sent. It might not sound much, but it's something. It's also well documented how poor I am. If I can do this, can you not find it in your heart to do the same? I only donated that much because that's all I have. I may give some more when I get more money. I don't know how much influence I have, but hopefully I can get someone to donate something, as the worlds second most evil supermarket say, "every little helps."
I'm a strong believer of "pics or it didn't happen."

Thursday, 16 February 2012

I Was Reasonable And Well Adjusted Once

First off I know most of you probably follow her anyway, but here is a guest post I did for Hazel. Do check it out. http://pablosangel.blogspot.com/2012/02/guest-post-mark.html

Given some of the reactions to last Sunday's post of the girl was just being a teenager and it's what they do, I thought I would share some of my life as a teenager. To be honest I really wasn't that bad. I didn't moan at my parents when I wanted something, I didn't kick off, I didn't stay out until the middle of the night drinking and having random sex with strangers, possibly for money. Though it would have been nice to have some money.

I suppose one of the reasons for my lack of rebellion could have been that I was depressed for a time then, but I think it was more to do with the fact that I had no social life anyway. Life raised me right, by robbing me of a life. Even if I did have a social life though, I believe that with my parents help, I wouldn't have turned out like a "typical teen" anyway.

My family were not horribly poor, but we weren't exactly well off either. Whenever I got a new game or anything, it was second hand and probably only on my birthday or if I asked nicely. I didn't mind this at all really. Frankly my gaming took a downturn when I had too many games. In the old days it was either play what I was half way through or play nothing. I think I was 15 or 16 when I got my first iPod. A teeny tiny 1gb iPod shuffle that has served me well since. When I got an xbawx 360 it was money I saved myself. Though my dad put a bit of money towards it too to reward me for saving.

I didn't have the internet until I was 17, though I discovered it thanks to my sister at 14 or 15. I was always a generation or two behind in consoles as well. When my original xbox broke I had to buy a preowned one because it was around the time 360's came out, and when that happened Microsoft just threw all the originals off the production line.

The main time I got anything really was Christmas and my birthday. It still is except now I occasionally have my own money to buy things with. Plus I should be buying things myself at my age anyway, unless it's something major like a car. Which Hayes' willing some day I will own.

The only real incidence of "rebellion" I can think of is when I wrote "piss off" in my homework diary because a teacher gave me an after school detention. Which was also the only detention I ever got. Despite never doing my homework, and frequently turning up without proper stationary (my science teacher gave me a fake award called the Golden Ruler award and presented me with a ruler, sadly not golden, because I never had one) I never got a detention.

Also when I was 17 I didn't agree with my parents opinions on my love life, but I know they were there for me when it was over, and they didn't rub it in my face that they were right. I love them for that.

I was a good little bastard, and so are most other teenagers. The excuse "oh they're just being a teen" does not, and probably never will, cut it with me. Would I actually put a bullet in my kids things though? Depends on what it is, and what they did.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

I Got Tagged Again

As the title suggests, I was tagged again. I wouldn't do it again so quickly but I was tagged twice, and I do just love answering questions. I don't think I'll post any more random facts, or post any questions, and might just answer questions. That really was all I did it for. I wrote this like a week ago and between then and now I've been tagged a lot more times. I didn't want to make such an incredibly long post, so there's more on what I plan to do about that at the end of this post. So let's go for it, right?


I was tagged by Cricketfreak from Bhadrawr  first and here are her questions.



1. Do you think the zodiac you were born under has an impact on your life?
Yes and no. I do put a bit of stock into horoscopes and such, but I'm not totally fitting in with my sign. But for something that encompasses so many people, I don't think a sign or a horoscope will ever totally apply to everyone who falls under it.
2. What is your favourite type of movie?
Comedies. I love a good laugh. 
3. What type personality are you?
INFP: "Questor". Idealistic, self-sacrificing, and somewhat cool or reserved. They are very family and home oriented, and have a high capacity for caring. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 1% of the total population. - FUCK YEAH 
4. What effect has blogging had on you? 
Pretty positive. As long as I remember people really do like what I write. It has shown me a side of myself I've never seen in a writer. It's also given me some good friends, and allowed me to do some things I've wanted. So a pretty boss effect. 
5. Do you care about politics?
In some aspects. I try to keep up with politics and what really goes the fuck wrong. I try to spread information and awareness, and I think people should never descend to political apathy. The less you react and fight the more they screw you over.
6. What do you think the world will be like in twenty years?
I'm not sure if I don't want the world to end in 2012 yet. It has the potential to be a great world, and it has the potential to be an awful world. Then again I guess if things do go wrong, and there's oppression and censorship everywhere, then in 20 years time it could be gone. I'd like to think we have some more cool tech though. 
7. Where did you/do you hope to go to university?
I've never really considered it. I think I'm going to have to do the Open University though, which is an online uni where you work from home. Jessie plans to do it too and we always wanted to go to college and or uni together. 
8. Favourite flavour ice-cream?
Mint chocolate chip. Though if we count expensive/fancypants ice cream then Ben and Jerry's brownie ice cream but I've forgotten it's full name.
9. Favourite subject at school?
ICT. Though I learned in college that as much as I am interested in computers, that interest didn't stretch into really wanting to know about them. But it was one of the only ones I liked. I enjoyed science too.
10. One thing that always ticks you off.
Kids. Bastarding kids. I sometimes don't believe myself when I tell myself my kids will turn out fine. 
11. Do you play the Sims?
I play the Sims 3 but I haven't played it for a while, and I loved playing Sims 2 on my Xbawx. I don't know why but I always loved the direct control feature. I also lost many hours to Sims 1 when I was younger. Though I never had any addons. I have a fair few mods for Sims 3 though, mostly clothing. 


The other set of questions were by R.gers from Crazy Old Heroes, and they're video game related, which was the reason I wanted to do it. I'll take any excuse to write about games. So here we go again!



First video game you ever played?
The first game I have memory of playing is Super Mario 3 on the NES. This may or may not be the first game I ever played. 
Favorite game console (Wii, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, NES, so on so forth)?
Ahhhhh fuck I don't know on this one. I think because of what it did and what it was, the Dreamcast. I don't have many games for it but it was so far ahead of it's time. It had online activity years before anyone else did, and amazeballs graphics. I still mourn that it died before it's time. 
Favorite video game?
Again, I'm not even sure I can do this D: I think I'm going to have to go with Final Fantasy 9. I lost a whole summer to this game. Most kids go out and play during their summer breaks. Fuck that. 
Who do you think is the greatest character ever conceived in video games?
The greatest character? Balls. Hmmmm. Maybe Raziel from the Legacy Of Kain games. I really love that guy. I don't think I could ever pick just one, but I'm going to say him just to say someone.
Who is the greatest villain?
It has to be Sephiroth doesn't it? FF7 might not be my favourite (even though it's partly to do with not wanting to conform ha) but there's no denying he was excellent.
Best weapon in your opinion (can be any game)?
Dang nabbit stop with the hard questions. The Soul Reaver, from Soul Reaver. It has a great design and you can't go wrong with a weapon that absorbs the souls of your fallen enemies!
Biggest pet peeves in games?
When everything is the same as everything and when it all becomes repetitive. Every game has a point where it becomes repetitive and you're doing the same thing. It's something I accept in games but it's a sign of a good game when it gets to that point and you keep going. Oh and when a game rehashes things or includes extra length unnecessarily. A recent example is Skyward Sword. I love that game, but there were very few areas and you went to them twice (so far, uncompleted) and some of it just seems wholly unnecessary. Oh well.
Your greatest gaming moment ever?
...God damn it....Hmmm. All my killing sprees on the Fable games. It also feels pretty good when I finish a game given how few games I actually get around to completing.  When I installed the mod to turn Shadowmere in Skyrim into Fluttershy from My Little Pony felt pretty damn good too. If we're talking favourite storyline moments and such, then I think there might be too many to pick. 
If you were a character from any game, what would you do?
Arthas/The Lich King from Warcraft. I'd raise me an army of the dead and rape the fuck out of everything. I wouldn't take years to do it and be stopped by a small group either. Or Balthier from FFXII. Just because Sky Pirate.
If given enough time and resources. What would be your life goal?
Bleh. No idea. I should probably have one by now, but I'm constantly finding different things I'm better at than I thought, and finding things I'm not as good at as I though. Though I wouldn't mind living in a castle with a huge collection of medieval and before weaponry. I'm an old fashioned kind of guy.
Do think this it the eleventh question?
It's the last one at least.


This whole thing has been long enough so I won't bother asking any questions. Though I will say, R.ger, if you're reading, answer the questions you set me yourself! NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!

Between writing this and it actually going up, I was tagged several other times too. Rather than make a long ass post, I decided to do a Q&A podcast of it. Like with the vlog. So if you've seen me tagged, or you tagged me, and I haven't responded to it yet, then please let me know! I had tabs open with the pages, but that was the old laptop. So far I have Tasha's questions ready, and Dylanthulu's and Kb's. Tay if you read this I'm sorry I did yours in the comments and not in a podcast BUT you never specifically tagged me. So there.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

V-Day

Hey everyone, it's V-Day, and normally on this day I will go on and on about how utter crap it is. But I'll have to save that for next year. I have a driving lesson today and Jessie was supposed to be coming down today she had to change her plans. I don't mind really, though I suppose we'll know that for sure if I subconsciously try to crash the car. Instead I will share with you a story about something that my first girlfriend gave me. She was the closest thing to a Valentines I've had I guess. PS I'm not bitter about V-Day because I've never had a valentines.

So when I asked for ideas last Saturday Fang suggested I take something in my room and personalize it. Give it a history and give it feelings. The only thing I could possibly do that with would be my wolf teddy. So here is his story.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello, the name's Zevi. She gave it to me, She gave me to him too. I'm told it means “my wolf” so I guess it's quite appropriate isn't it? Though it wasn't that appropriate when for a brief period of time He adopted the name. I come from rather humble beginnings myself. When they found me I was living inside some sort of machine where in exchange for shiny objects the people were given control of a claw that would descend and snatch us up, were you lucky enough. It wasn't too bad, at least I had people to talk to.

Then one day they came in. It was obvious they were in love, they were inseparable and He was holding Her hand. He was walking slightly in front of Her too, like He was trying to protect Her. The boy spotted me and He was instantly smitten. I felt kind of bad for His ladyfriend actually. Here He was with Her but He was falling for me too. I think it's a different kind of love, humans are fickle things. Anyway, it turned the lady was quite a master of the crane, and She was able to grab me in just one go. I can tell you that is a rare thing. After I dropped out (which hurt by the way, it was the main downside of living in that machine I guess) She handed me to him, and I took up residence in His pocket. Though my head was sticking out, so at least I wasn't in the darkness. He's terrible at naming things and so He asked Her to name me, and She suggested Zevi. The name stuck and it has since.

That was four years ago though. Despite how in love they seemed to be they fell apart a few months after. Normally when a couple breaks up they reassure the children that it had nothing to do with them. He is yet to do this with me though. I don't see what I could have done though. After that happened He kind of forgot about me, and I've been in some dark places, and been left on the floor and become a bit tattered, but He found me recently and we have become friends again. Though sometimes I can still end up on the floor. Plus I am still kind of tattered. I don't know if I'd survive a journey through a washing machine, and I'm in no hurry to find out. I know though that I am an ever present and eternal reminder of those times, and of His woman, and I hope I don't become a burden on him, though I think He cares about me too much to let that happen. He's a big fan of wolves, and has probably thought He loves me more than He loved Her. Like I said, humans are fickle. Anyway, right now we have a decent relationship. I know that if I do end up on the floor, He'll get to me eventually, He's just very scattered right now. I even slept with His niece a few times when She was upset and scared, but He's said He'll never give me to Her. Though I suppose it is a sign that He does like me, and that He considers me able to keep him safe and warm. Or at least, He thought I could do it for Her. Given how She slept and how attached She became, I guess it worked. Maybe one day He'll pass me on, but until then, I am forever Zevi, I am His wolf.

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Zevi. The ginger thing in the background is my sleeping cat. Kinda glad I've had him by my side lately if I'm honest
Also because it's V-Day, here, enjoy this Valentines related song. Super bonus points if you actually play it to your valentine.

I wish Ville Valo was my valentine. I'd break him though. Love really is the only war worth dying for.

Monday, 13 February 2012

This Is A Round Up

Just put the money in the bag and this will all go smoothly, no one needs to try to be a hero...

Wait for a second there I flashed back to a few weeks ago...where was I? Oh yeah, a round up post for last week. God damn today is going to be a shit day. Not here but for me. Here it's just going to be mediocre. It is a round up post, those are always mediocre. Even with my attempts to add a little something extra for the people who read every day. Like this crap. But inevitably it has to end, like everything. So I present to you your round up post. I think I should look into getting pills.

Tuesday was basically another activism post. I shared some news from the world wide web, and brought your attention to the Europe/world wide ACTA protests. I don't know if any of you actually made any of them, but others did and it was a huge success. I <3 Germany who have said that they won't sign it. Who would have thought an Englishman would say he loves Germany? 

Wednesday was about how I joined a dating site, and a bit about me and the dating scene in general. Also a brief look at a tarot reading I did with Jessie. If you're wondering I've still only talked to one person on there. Well, I've talked to about ten but only one of them talked back to me. Considering what some of them look like they have high standards. I mean, I'm no prize pig myself but I'm not acting like I am. 

Thursday was a rather impromptu post about how my laptop flipped the fuck out on me and decided that it was going to die (it still hasn't come back to life) but I got a new one. I also went back on benefits to pay it off. This was, as has usually come to be expecting of Thursdays, emotional as fuck. 

Friday  was the long awaited post about my first driving lesson. It was also supposed to be the day of my second driving lesson, but his car was broke so he rescheduled to tomorrow. So this Friday you can probably expect a driving update.

Saturday was a picture post because I haven't been able to salvage Immortal Space yet (I think I'm going to keep that as the title) and I asked for post ideas. I'm still taking them too! If there's a post you want me to write, let me know. Last week left me pretty depressed and lacking motivation. 

Sunday I posted a video where a guy shoots his teenage daughters laptop to punish her for being a bitch on Facebook and talking shit about her parents. It got mixed reactions, and you can expect my reaction to those reactions on Thursday, where I talk about my teenage years. This week tomorrow is depressing, not Thursday. Though I think you'll love tomorrow actually. 

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Parenting Done Right

After I saw this video, I tweeted and Facebooked about it, and now I'm blogging about it. I can honestly say this is the kind of father I wish to become. This man belongs in my pantheon of Gods. Which is way to big as it is, but he can be in charge of keeping them in check.



Have a good day y'all.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

*Sigh*

To be honest I'm not entirely sure what to put here. My new laptop has no pictures on it yet because I'm still holding out hope I can salvage my old ones, and I haven't written anything since it broke. To be honest it breaking has also seriously killed my moral. I mentioned on Twitter I have no posts ready for next week, and it's true, I just don't. I haven't really had any ideas or felt like writing. So if there is something you would like me to write, then just drop me an idea and I'll get on it. I'm really sorry about this folks. I'd like to think if the rest of the story is eternally lost I will be able to rewrite it, but I don't know if I will. I'm easily prone to loss of morale and letting that stop me from doing anything.

Disregard that I suck cocks.

In the interests of half decent content I went out and grabbed some pictures. While most of the ones I got were poni, I'll only post one of those, most of you aren't cool with the ponis. Enjoy.
Drown in the adorability. I SAID DROWN. Dawwwwwwwww
This is just an excellent face really by Mrs. Pond

For some reason looking at this makes me think of Wind Beneath My Wings..."Did you ever know that you're my hero, you're everything I would like to be..."
I <3 You guys
Shiek looking badass as always.
Worth the price amirite?
I was going to call animal welfare, then I lol'd
If this doesn't play, it's a gif, and no club can handle Spidey.

Cute girls = views. Plus Miku is just damn adorable.



I further prove my previous point.



 As per usual even though I switched back to a normal template and everything, they still aren't doing pictures right, so feel free to click them to get them in big sizes. The last two are wallpapers, and I think the Fluttershy also counts as a wallpaper.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Driving Round The Bend

This is the long awaited post of what happened when I had my first driving lesson last Friday. Today is also my second driving lesson. But back to the first. You might remember my initial crappy attempts to start my dad's car and drive a few feet. I learned why that happened. I didn't realise that a car would move if you just had the clutch down. You didn't need to hit the acceleratrix. I would crap my pants and jump when the car started moving and I took my foot right of the clutch, which caused the car to stall. So I wasn't able to start a car without exploding something.

I was able to start and stop the car several times without stalling, but I was braking too sharply still, and I found myself relaxing on the clutch. I have to keep the clutch on the floor and gently press on the brakes, but my feet kept trying to imitate eachother. If one went down hard the other did and if one was going soft the other would too. It's just something I'm gonna have to deal with.

I also made the car make some weird noises when I tried to change gears. What happened was that he told me the car was ready to change gears, and I did try to change them. See, he told me that the gear needed to be changed but he didn't tell me how to. I tried to do it myself and did it wrong. That was a Hell of a revving sound.

I also learned that even though everyone parks on the kerb (or sidewalk or pavement) you aren't supposed to. Every time I tried to pull up he went for the steering wheel. It took me mentioning to him I was trying to pull up for him to tell me this and we worked it out and I know I'm not supposed to do that. Until I pass my test.

I did a little bit of actual driving. I drove round the block a few times, but thankfully the streets were deserted. I only had a car behind me once, and I saw a huge truck I had to wait for on a roundabout. But I saw three people using their mobile phones while driving (including the reversing lorry driver).

The only thing that really went wrong was when I hit my head getting out of the car at the end of the lesson, which was what I said on Twitter. Here's hoping today goes kind of better.

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Out Of The Frying Pan And Into The Fire

In case you're wondering what happened to cause me to not comment or anything (though blogging was not disrupted) I accidentally spilled water onto my laptop. I was able to get a new one though (a huge thank you to my dad). The thing is though that I had to compromise with him because I'm no longer a teenage girl who can bat her eyelids at daddy. I will be going back on benefits and I'm going to pay him back for this. I guess fate got tired of me waiting around and forced my hand. Though this does mean that my space story is on temporary hiatus. I may be able to salvage my old hard drive, I hope, and recover my writings, but if I don't, then it means I'm going to have to rewrite. I was about five or six chapters ahead too. Fuck my fecking life. Damn water.

Even if I can salvage my hard drive it won't be for a few weeks. See there's a fancypants device you can use that will turn an internal hard drive into an external one. I used it (well my brother did) on the hard drive from my laptop before my last one. I'm hoping to be able to do it on this one too. I think the hard drive is fine it's just the circuitry that buggered up. If it dries itself out and decides it wants to live I can sell it, or find someone to give it to. It's a great machine.

This also means that I will not, I repeat not, be able to do the podcast I teased on Twitter for tomorrow. That was also on that hard drive, and no, I just don't feel like recording it again. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm not even sure I'm ready to be signing on again, to be looking for work, but life has given me little choice. I do know I need to stop wallowing in despair and do something with my fecking waste of a life. I'm a tired old man waiting around to die.

I've mentioned before I'm not too fond of the outside world, and she is not too fond of me. Sadly one cannot really live like this. Hopefully I can still become one day a published author or a journalist that works from home, but until then I need to be realistic. I also need to pay my way a bit. I don't know if I'm ready to really throw myself back out into the world but I didn't know if I was ready for the dating world, and at the behest of Jessie I did the one thing you should do in those situations, jump the fuck in feet first and mate with what you land on.

Here's hoping to God and all his minions that I will find a job I want, or at least not find one until I can make it on my own. Seems kind of a dick thing to say that. To be wishing to remain a drain on public resources. It's either that or finally snap. Oh well. At the very very least, here's hoping I survive the whole sordid experience. 

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Back In The Game, Kind Of

So Jessie was here last Friday (two Friday's in a row = WINNING) and we had some drinks and had some laughs, and even some tears. We're both going through some rough shit right now, probably always will be. Fate is not too fond of us. But near the end of the night, Jessie asked me to give her a tarot reading. Regardless on what your thoughts of tarot cards are, Jessie and me actually put a fair bit of stock into them. Though I probably don't do it as much as I could. It helped to do it with another person, it brought in a whole new level of depth to have someone to discuss it with.

I did two separate ones, a full ten card spread and a basic three card spread (simple past present and future type thing) and in the big one, my "surroundings" was the 8 of swords. If you don't know anything let me tell you right now that is one bad card. That is one dark and evil card. This is the card that is probably closest to the stereotypical Death. It has no upsides and is basically entrapment, misery, and pain. This card later came up in the three card spread as my future. Basically I was trapping myself, I was containing myself, and if I didn't do something about it, I always would be.

See I've been struggling with getting over a past relationship for four years now. Lately I've told myself I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't need one. But the fact of the matter is that this self imposed loneliness is bad for me. I'm incredibly self destructive. You've probably noticed if you've been reading for more than a week. I take myself down and out at every junction, I don't trust myself, I don't know if what I do is in my best interests.

Now on to the main point of this post. At the behest of Jessie I joined a dating site. I've been alone too long really, and I should stop denying myself a chance of happiness. What better way to overcome ones fears and just jump feet first into the ocean? I don't know how successful this venture will go, but I think we can actually consider it a step in the right direction for me.

I did not, however, take her up on her request that I just message ten random girls. Though I think I'm up to that number now.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

A Call To Arms

Warning, activism (kind of) post today. There has been an official call to arms. Again, kind of. I have a lot of European readers so I felt like sharing this with you today. It's a map of where protests are scheduled to happen on February The 11th (yes yes I know it's short notice but hey maybe you can still make it) against ACTA. The sad thing is that we have several targets but we will fight them all, on all fronts. The internet will never ever back down. https://www.accessnow.org/policy-activism/press-blog/acta-protest-feb-11 is where the map is, so you can look at where you're going to have to go. I think this is the first time a Europe wide protest has ever happened, and it's supposed to be going worldwide too. If I can make the one in Nottingham I can, but sadly I don't think I can. I'll still do what I can though.

Last year in England we saw social media be blamed for how quickly rioters were able to organise, then we saw it save itself by being how the clean up crews organised so quickly. This time let us show the goodness of it once again by organising something so huge people have to take notice.

There is also word of a worldwide strike in March. I think that might be a separate issue though.

In an update I believe SOPA Ireland may have passed. The guy went ahead with it refusing to listen to the people. As such he can look forward to hatred and never being elected ever again. I've also seen that a website has been pulled down under it. A website was accused of defaming a lawyer (it was a website where you rate solicitors, that WAS THE BLOODY POINT) and as such he had it shut down.

Whether what was said about him was true or not, he has proven himself to be a cunt. A cunt he shall remain too. Part of me hopes the douche reads this, always wanted to get sued. Maybe I should call him a cunt again for good measure. I know some people would like to see the word "cunt" come back into general usage as slang for a ladygarden, but for now an insult it is.

Google also plans to censor Blogger. Basically if content is posted on a blog that is blocked in a certain country (think YT messages of "Douche inc has blocked this in your country) then the person from that country will be sent to a version of the site that does not contain the material. Thank you Random Guy for that piece of info. I can't believe that escaped me.

Anyway, the point of this post was the protests, so focus on them. Attend if you can, try to find one in your area if you can't find it on the map (I think there's only one for America and none for Canadia. It might be signed there but that doesn't mean they can't fight with the rest of us!). Protest if you can, sign petitions if you can't, and just do what you can my friends.

I'll try to limit the activism. Srsly.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Weekly Round Up

It's almost slightly amusing my page views were not in fact through the roof yesterday. Either I didn't mention Anonymous enough or the FBI have decided that I'm just not a threat. How little they know me. Anyway, before I do this round up, I want to share Henry's comment from yesterday:

Every time you've mentioned Anonymous in an article you've kinda touched on something that I wanted to comment on but I kept backing off, assuming you knew. But, just in case you don't, I'll just say it now. 


I think you have the wrong idea about what 'Anonymous' is. You keep talking about it like its a finite group of people. That's completely wrong. 


Anonymous is You. When you want to be.


You and I have blogs, sort of like virtual houses with addresses where people can find us, yeah? But that link doesn't stick to all your online activity. When you want to, you can don the Mask and become anonymous, too.


Maybe it's just a small failure of communication and you already have the right idea, but I just wanted to make sure that you weren't slipping under the impression that Anonymous is some kind of underground group that's fighting for your rights and that you are just a supporter, cheering them on from the sidelines. 


YOU can be Anonymous, fighting for OUR rights.


Anonymous isn't exclusive. It isn't hierarchical. It isn't centralized. 


It is us. If you want to be.

My response was as follows:
Nah dude I did know that. I have donned the mask in the past. Sometimes they move too fast for me to keep up though. Everyone and anyone is Anonymous. It's not that you can be, it's that you ARE. Sometimes I just accept my role as a supporter, but when I can, I will happily join and fight the good fight. But you have cleared that up for anyone else who reads here too, and don't worry next week I am encouraging activity. I guess actively encouraging just wasn't a step I was prepared to take yet. But I'm encouraging peaceful protests, not hacktivism. I don't have a problem with how Anonymous does their work mind.

I stuck it in bold because it's something we should all remember. We are all Anonymous. We can all don the mask, we can all fire up the cannons, we can all order pizza, or at the very least we can all spread information and awareness. Now that I've given you something the length of a post, let's get started on the actual post huh?

Tuesday; I laid out some of the details of Black March. The month long boycott of Hollywood. I'd love it if you participated but I can understand if for some reason you don't/can't.

Wednesday; I talked about how I'm due in court at the end of the month to testify and give evidence against the people who broke into my house last year. I'm still wondering if I'm actually going to be honest, I've still not had any word back at all.

Thursday; I went into how I'm not a very social person, and the surprisingly low number of friends I have.

Friday; I responded to being tagged by Fang, and stated 11 things about me, answered his 11 questions, and came up with 11 of my own for any who want to answer. I also gave out a lot of internets as a lot of people got the Spinal Tap reference. You're all part of the cool kids club.

Saturday; was another chapter in the life of Trent Saxon, spacefarer. I've taken the comments about speech in, and will space it better. At first I really didn't want empty space, but empty space is better than a wall of text.

Sunday; I posted a comic by webcartooning mastermind Zach Weiner about how people are citizens on the internet too, and how bullshit all the things that governments do are. I don't think that's a real sentence. Also included is a video of Anonymous' message to the leaders of the world.

Happy holidays. I don't think it's actually a holiday but someone said they wanted the day after the Super Bowl to be declared a holiday. Maybe if we all act like it is one they will make it one.

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Comically Awesome

After I read this comic at smbc-comics.com (You may remember them, I've included a few before) I just had to share it with you guys.


Zach Wiener is part of my ever expanding pantheon of Gods. 

The votey is awesome too, but I can't upload it, but it says "New law - Congress aren't allowed to vote. How do we know they won't vote for child porn?"

Also because it IS video day, here's a video that fits in with this comic. It's the message by Anonymous to the Governments of the world. Let's not forget Anonymous is a global thing. Plus the more times I say Anonymous in a post the more my page views go up because the FBI lurk.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Five Out Of Five For Length

I teased last week that this chapter would be long, and it is. Before that though a bit of housekeeping.

Prologue:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/untitled-space-story.html#en
Chapter one:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-almost-broke-tradition.html#en
Chapter two:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/chapter-two.html#en
Chapter three:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/chapter-third.html#en
Chapter four:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/fourth-wall-remains-intact.html#en

As per usual I'm looking for criticism, especially in Trent's speech.

Enjoy!
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Dr. Osbourne was on his way to the morgue in the morning when he heard laughter coming from there. He was pretty sure only Geoff should be in there at this time, and was slightly worried he'd gone mad from all his time alone with the corpses. When he opened the door however he saw Geoff sat on a chair next to the autopsy table and a man sat on the table itself. He was wearing a leather jacket and a hat from what Osbourne could make out, his back was turned and he was laughing.
“What's going on in here?” Dr Osbourne asked. Geoff nearly jumped out of his seat and the man looked around. He looked almost familiar but Osbourne couldn't quite place him.
“H-hello Dr. Osbourne, Geoff said to him, “I was just talking to Trent here about some of his adventures.”
“Trent?” Osbourne asked, starting to go a bit pale, “but the only Trent in here is the stiff in that free-”. He had looked over at the freezer in question, and he found it was open. “Well...just who is he then, and what happened to Mr. Saxon's body?”. Now it was the other man's turn to speak.
“You're looking at it doc” he said before hopping off the table and shaking Dr. Osbournes hand, “Trent Saxon at your service. You might want to rethink your autopsy procedure by the way, it sure hurt when you cut me up.” Dr. Osbourne just stood there with a dumb look on his face, completely perplexed. Trent turned to Geoff and pointed at Osbourne's face. “Hey that's the look you pulled Geoff. What is it with people and pulling that face at me?” This just caused Geoff to laugh, which brought Osbourne back into the room. He looked Trent over, and noticed something.
“Wait a second”, he said, holding up Trent's hand, “You're missing a piece of your finger. Trent made it out in one piece, amazingly. Now just who are you?”. Trent took his hand away and put it into his pocket. He produced a severed fingertip and held it up.
“Here it is. I have a bet going on with Geoff. We worked out the details overnight”.
“A bet?”, replied Osbourne, “Just what is going on here?”
“Well”, said Trent, putting the finger back in his pocket, “if my finger grows back, then I get a date with Geoff's sister. He showed me a picture of her and she's pretty cute. Plus he really thinks it can't grow back.”
“Well he's quite right”, said Osbourne, “fingers can't grow back and dead people can't get up. Especially after they've been autopsied on!”. This caused Trent to sigh.
“Say Doc, is there any way I can convince you that I am Trent Saxon, in the flesh?”
Dr. Osbourne thought it over for a minute, rubbing his chin in concentration.
“Well”, he decided eventually, “Where was your corpse found? No information has been released yet.” Trent whistled and put his hands behind his head.
“I'd love to answer that, but wasn't I already dead at that point?”
“Ah, but you said you couldn't die.”
“Well, I can and I can't. I die but I'll always come back. When I die it's like I'm just asleep. If something that bad happens to me anyway. I stabbed myself in the heart for Geoff over there without any trouble, but my brain was pretty damaged in the crash, and my body was absolutely mangled. Even if you can't die, would you want to be awake for that pain?” Osbourne did think that was a good point. Even if you can't die, you can still feel pain. There are points where pain is incredibly intolerable.
“You stabbed yourself in the heart?” Dr. Osbourne asked him.
“He sure did”, spoke up Geoff, who had been watching all this quietly. He pulled out a scalpel and threw it at Trent. Trent caught it and then plunged it into his chest, like he had the night before.
“Go on, take it out, so you know it's not fake”, Trent said to Osbourne. Osbourne did as he was told. He pulled out the scalpel and checked it over. He also checked out the wound on Trent's chest. It was right where his heart should be, and the scalpel was covered in blood. It was totally solid and even he couldn't deny that he really had just seen a man shove a scalpel into his chest and appear completely unharmed.
“Okay”, Osbourne conceded, “You may be Trent, you may not. Either way you certainly do seem to be pretty hard to kill. But you have to appreciate how difficult this is for a person to take in.” Trent cracked a smile. 
“Well your boy Geoff there took it pretty well”, he said, pointing at Geoff. Geoff stood up and walked to Trent. 
“Well it's just so freakin AWESOME. I'd love to not be able to die, wouldn't you?” he said to Dr. Osbourne. “Imagine what you could see, and do”. Dr. Osbourne sighed and shook his head. 
“No I don't think it would be all that good”, he said, “imagine all the people you love dying. I mean, you'd get bored eventually wouldn't you? Your heart would break again and again. You wouldn't be able to stay around people because you'd just be so afraid of losing them. Right, Trent?” Trent laughed out loud at this and stuck his arm around Dr. Osbourne. 
“Man you could not be more wrong. When I was growing up, we were confined to just this one planet. I saw it all, and then when I had done. I went again! Things had already changed, there was already more to see. Eventually we humans finally got around to discovering faster than light travel and space was opened up to us. There was even more to see and to do! By the time you've “done everything there is to do”, you realise there's even more to do, even more to discover. Humanity changes in the blink of an eye. Look back to the internet, do you think people even twenty to thirty years before then would ever believe what the internet could do? Hell when I was growing up we didn't even believe in faster than light travel. We didn't think we'd ever truly see the stars.” His face took a more sombre and sad expression before he continued, “Yes, you can easily lose people you love. Yes, it still hurts when they die, or they go. It hurts anyone when someone leaves their life. It doesn't make a difference how long you've lived. If anything I'm thankful that it still hurts. That I'm still capable of feeling that loss. I'm thankful I even met them. Even if they left my life, for a time they were in it, they made it better. They made me better. Think of all the people you've met in your life, how they improved you, or changed you. Now think of how many people you could meet who could do that in two lifetimes. Now think about ten, and just keep going. It is always, always sad, but it really does still make me happy they were there. That they cared about me. That I was able to love, and still am. I don't think I could ever get tired of that. I hope I don't at least.” Dr. Osbourne thought about his wife, and his kids. How much they had changed him, and how glad he was to know them, and be loved by them. He thought back to the friends he had made over the years. Trent was right, he realised. It hurt when someone left your life, but he knew he was glad that they had been in his life. He knew that he was glad he had met them, and he knew that he hoped he always would be.
“Enough of this depressing talk!”, Trent said, slapping Osbourne on the back, causing him to jump in surprise. “I am hungry and I need to find me another ship. It's also been a while since I was back home, so I need someone to come with me and tell me where to get them. Who's in?” Geoff ran up to him. 
“I'd like to come, my shift ends when the doctor turns up anyway.”
“Well that's one down”, Trent replied, turning to face Dr. Osbourne, “How about you doc? You want to come?”.
“I'd like to,” replied Dr Osbourne, “but I have to start work now, I've only just got in. Maybe I can chat with you later”.
“Sure thing Doc” Trent replied, pulling up his jacket and tipping his hat. “Until later then.”
Geoff followed him out the door leaving Dr. Osbourne on his own. Osbourne poked his head out the door after them. “By the way, the name's Osbourne. Daniel Osbourne, not 'Doc'!”, he shouted at them. Trent raised his hand to show he got the message and continued on the way out, Geoff beside him.

Friday, 3 February 2012

I Go To Eleven


+250 internets to whoever gets that reference in the title.

So, Fang at http://blog.fangtalks.com (Fancypants has his own domain) recently hit me with a "Blogger tag". I might not have participated but he asked me questions and God knows I love to answer those. So I will in fact be participating. You can skip most of this if you want, I won't mind.

So, first off the rules. Screw that I'm not going to follow them. Basically I just have to say 11 random things about me and then answer the questions Fang asked. Eleven things about me;

1. I have my first driving lesson today and I'm crapping my proverbial pants about it. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, if I survive. Or don't end up in the hospital for too long.

2. Speaking of hospitals, I'm not fond of them, but thankfully I can only remember ending up in there twice. Once when I broke my wrist, and when I bruised by toe bone. They both bloody hurt.

3. I'm a wrestling fan. This may come as no shock to most of you but hey there might be some people who didn't know.

4. I'm trying to adopt a more normal sleeping pattern. No one knows why.

5. I'm a compulsive flirt. I flirt with a lot of people, often without realising.

6. I'm cold.

7. I have trouble completing a game. Seriously, my list of half completed games is longer than my list of actually completed games. At least, what I can remember of both of them.

8. I love manga and anime. Again, may come as no surprise.

9. I still feel shame over joining Twitter.

10. Part of me also wishes I'd never joined Facebook, but I met Jessie on there after two years, so I still have to be thankful for it.

11. I have several draft posts that for some reason or another, will probably never see the light of day.

Now for Fang's 11 questions. The only reason I did this in the first place. I'll change his questions to italics and my answers to bold.

1, How was your day? Anything exciting happened?
I'll answer this for the day I wrote it. It was okay, not much exciting ever happens to me. Today I took a cardigan off for a baby and didn't break it's arm. That's about it.
2. Ever done anything that falls waaay outside of the social norms of your gender/age group? ie watched My Little Pony and enjoyed it or something?
I watched and enjoyed My Little Pony and still do. Fluttershy is best poni. But outside your example...When I was younger I did enjoy several shows that were aimed more at girls, it's not just a recent thing. Though there were some shows I was never going to like, such as Bratz. I never got the point of those skanks. I do exhibit some childish behaviour.
3.If you were to classify yourself into a certain social group/style (ie gothic, emo, stoner, etc) which one would you place yourself in?
Goth. It's what everyone else thinks I am. I never did fit in even with those guys though. Plus I like Savage Garden and Bryan Adams. What self respecting goth would admit that?
4. Favourite Sesame Street character?
Cookie Monster. That dude was a drug addict and nobody cared.
5. Seek out a popular YouTube video, check the comments. What are your thoughts on those people?
Any video, ever, makes me lose faith in humanity. Especially reading some of the comments on MLP videos. I can gain some faith in myself by telling myself I'm not them.
6.Do you have any neurotic/OCD tendencies?
I like things to be organised. Though I actually hate organising. I just like everything having a place.
7. What's the meaning of life?
There are a couple. I usually say death though.
8. Do you collect something?
Not really. Too poor. Or to shameful. Unless you count my hoards of pictures.
9. Ultimate fantasy?
Depends. One thing I would love to do is have a huge house and have a buttload of animals living there. I would have a lot of land and basically turn my home into a wildlife preserve. If you mean my ultimate sexual fantasy. Having sex? Let's get that done and then worry about the freaky disturbing shit I do in the bedroom.
10. Weirdest dream?
Most of my dreams are weird but one of the more weird ones is one I had years back. I was in the school with some friends and it was basically like Lord Of The Rings. I think we had to find our way to a certain room but we were blocked all the time. I wish I could remember more of it. I've also had a dream where I'm in a girls house and I have to hide from her parents and I'm hiding out in room after room. Doesn't sound very weird but it was at the time.
11.Have you enjoyed this "11 Questions" thing?
Not enough to pass it on.

That's right I'm going to be a bastard and not tag anyone else. When I was a kid I never ran fast enough to tag other people when I played tag, and things are no different here. It's why I didn't post the rules earlier, I had no intention of following them. I was supposed to submit 11 questions of my own and tag 11 people to answer them. Even if I was going to do it I couldn't think of 11 people anyway. I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll think up some questions and if you want to answer them, then feel free to. This is specifically against the rules actually. HA! ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWER! It is actually in the rules that you can't just tell people to take the tag if they want. Anyway, here's 11 questions. Feel free to take a post to answer them.

1. How many relationships have you been in?

2. How many close friends would you say you have?

3. How many friends in general would you say you have?

4. If you were going to have a kid, would you wish for a boy or a girl?

5. Would you ever eat roadkill? I'm told some roadkill recipes are quite delicious.

6. Cats or dogs?

7. If you could stop George Lucas or Steven Spielberg from making movies, which would you pick? You can only pick one.

8. Is sanity overrated?

9. Do you have a favourite breed of cat or dog?

10. How many Facebook friends do you have?

11. Did you find my lack of random inane questions disturbing? (I sure did)

Go nuts!

Oh and because I can kind of have an excuse to mention it, Hazel recently gave me a shiny silver version of the "versatile blogger" award.

I didn't want to dedicate an entire post to it, seeing as I've already won it, but I can slip it in here.

And I recently broke the 300 follower point, I may have more of a celebration some other time.

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