Monday, 31 December 2012

New Years Eve Roundup

It's the end of the year already. This one does seem to have passed by at a pretty decent pace but I can't really remember much about it anyway so I guess that helps me think so. Jessica should be coming down today and we're going to ring in the new year together, it should be pretty fun. She's gone and created herself a one year plan. I'm not kidding you when I say she has planned out pretty much every detail of every day for a year. There are some larger goals in there, and she won't even really tell me much about it. She'll just occasionally tell me what's on her plan. Apparently spending new years with me, and the first few days of 2013 cleaning up, are part of that plan. I find myself wondering but I'm sure I'll know eventually. She has told me she will eventually tell me. Anyway, have yourselves a merry new year, and a merry new roundup.

Tuesday was of course, Christmas. It really feels already like it was a lifetime ago. There wasn't much here at Christmas at all and I'm only really linking to it for posterity. It was a few pictures is all.

Wednesday was basically a write up of my Christmas, complete with the presents I got which included Silent Hill 2 and 3, and a boxset of Cardcaptors in original Japanese (which subtitles of course) from Jessica and some other things. Again, not much in the way of actual content, and certainly not much that isn't already out of date, or doesn't fit when taken out of context.

Thursday was a multitude of things. So many in fact that I had to load up the page myself to remember what was there. Let's see...Ahh it wasn't actually that much of a multitude. It was partly about how I'd been spending a lot of time cleaning the house, and had been doing a pretty cool job of it if I do say so myself. I've had that whole "It doesn't matter if it gets messy again because I deserve to live in a clean house, and I'll just clean it again" epiphany which means I will indeed probably try harder to keep the house clean. I also reported on buying a t-shirt for myself, which is quite a big deal because I never buy anything for myself, especially not something expensive.

Friday was about how I have trouble making and keeping friends. I think if I apply myself I can make friends easy enough. I mean, I AM charming and witty. But I've been hurt and let down, not just by the bad people, but by the good people as well. I'm not really able to sit back and enjoy a friendship while I have it either. I just have the mentality that it's not going to last, so there's no point in becoming invested in it. When someone leaves my life, rather than try and find someone new, I just lament the hole they left, and watch as my life becomes emptier.

Saturday was a new Immortal Space update, which, once again, needs some editing work. While you can consider what I update to be a first draft, and I will probably add and take some things out of the final product, I like to be as correct as possible because, well, I do. Plus I do like to cut down on the amount of editing work I'll have to do when the time comes. Oh well.

Last but not least, Sunday was an example of improvised poetry. I had nothing else to write or share so I just started writing a poem and looked at where it took me. It ended up kinda dark but I think there's also some hope and power in there. See for yourselves I guess.

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Once Again, I Have Nothing

I really do have nothing for you. Despite having such a busy and full week of busy things, I still didn't really have much in the way of life experiences. Well, unless you count going out for walks life experiences. Because I think I might really. I still don't have much in the way of new music or anything either. Let's try some improv poetry! That might work.

I would give all that I am
I would offer myself to you
Although I'm not worth a damn
And you have more important things to do

Everything I could say
Has been said before
Any price I could pay
Won't make your heart soar

Different I may be
But similar at the same time
To be able to offer you only me
Why, that's just a crime!

What am I anyway?
To think myself of value
Who am I you say?
Well let me tell you

I am kind of heart
I have a brave soul
And that's just the start
Of what makes me whole

I will not sit and stay
I won't let you talk about me
No not in this way
I will make you see

You think yourself too good?
Despite how cold you are
We both have red blood
Is that too far?

You only trusted what you could see
That, and nothing more
I am more than you'll ever be
So don't come knock on my door

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Well that was...dark. Oh well. At least with those feelings out I should be able to smile, right?

 P.S That really was all written on the spot.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Insert Immortal Space Chapter Here

I really hope there are no errors with this update because really, I still haven't edited the last one. I know, I fails, but I've had a very, very busy week. Really I should just stop and have a day off, but who wants to really do that? Pfft, nah. Anyway, here's a nice, normal sized update for you. It's a little fluffy so enjoy it, because things are about to serious the fuck up.

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Geoff looked around the hotel room as he walked in, looking for Trent. Seeing no sign of him he walked in, sighing in relief that he wasn't likely to be teased for coming in so late. He heard the door close behind him and turned to see Trent standing there. He had been hiding behind the door, waiting for Geoff to get back.
    “And what time do you call this, young man?” Trent asked. He was pretending to be angry but his large grin gave away how he really felt. Geoff looked at the time on his communicator.
    “Well, according to this, the time is ten-thirty. Is your clock broken or something?” he replied. Trent tried to resist laughing but he didn't do a very good job of it and soon enough he was laughing. Geoff just looked bemused until he stopped. “Well you certainly seem happy.” Geoff said.
    “So do you kiddo.” Trent replied. “Good day I take it?”
    “Better evening. You know, when you and your girlfriend stopped following us.” Geoff replied. Trent started laughing again.
    “Oh? You noticed us? Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't really. So what happened when we left you then?”
    “A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” Geoff replied, trying to sound dignified.
    “Yeah but I reckon you didn't kiss her at all. No way in Hell you'd kiss a girl. You'd die of embarrassment first.”
    “I did too kiss her!” Geoff said with a huff.    “Thought a gentleman didn't kiss and tell?.” Trent was smirking again. “I won't be telling you what me and Lena got up to because I, unlike you, am a true gentleman.”
    “You mean cos nothing happened, right?” Geoff asked, smirking himself this time.
    “Oh you won't get me like that boy.” Trent replied, leaving Geoff looking a little disappointed. “What kinda idiot would fall for their own tricks?”
    “You aren't that kinda idiot?”
    “I'm no kind of idiot.”
    “Pfft. If you say so.” Geoff replied. “Oh, here.” he said, taking the hat off his head and handing it over to Trent. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”
    “No problem, kid.” Trent replied, taking the hat and putting it on. As he was putting it on he couldn't help but notice a particular scent coming from it. “Ermm...kid? Why does my hat smell of strawberries? Did you dress yourself up that nicely?” Trent asked. Geoff looked a little embarrassed.
    “Lisa ended up wearing it a lot. Guess she has some strawberry shampoo or something.”
    “Lisa wore it?”
    “Yeah, that okay?”
    “Yeah it's fine. Sounds like a fun story though.” Trent replied. Geoff let out a laugh and started to tell Trent the story of how his day had gone. He started after Trent had left because he figured Trent knew all about what happened until then. He told him about how Lisa had ridden on his back for the majority of the time and what they talked about while they were walking and having their dinner together. He explained that he offered to walk her home and she had jumped on his back again and that when they got to the bar where she lived, she had invited him inside. They had some drinks together in the bar itself and kept talking. They didn't realise how late it was until Lisa actually fell asleep at the table where they were talking. Geoff offered to carry her upstairs, but the barman, who was very protective of her, had done it himself and wished Geoff a good night and thanked him for giving Lisa such a good time. After that Geoff had left and come back to the hotel.
    “I thought you said you kissed her?” Trent asked when Geoff was done. He had been listening intently and noticed that Geoff didn't mention a kiss happening between the two of them.
    “I told you, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. But we really did.”
    “If you say so.”
    “We did!” Geoff said, a little indignant. “Why don't you tell me what happened during your day then? I have to say, following a couple of kids around, you sure know how to show a lady a good time don't you?” he said, sarcastically.
    “I do indeed.” Trent replied with a smile, pretending not to have noticed the tone of Geoff's voice. Trent explained what had happened both during while the two of them were following him and Lisa around, and what had happened after. Even Geoff wasn't aware that Trent had booked a table and was surprised by how sweet he had actually been. Trent wasn't too happy with being misjudged so much in one day, but carried on with the story. He told about how they had talked while waiting for their dinner and then talked after at the bar. They hadn't stayed out as long as Geoff and Lisa had but they still spent a lot of time together, and talked about a lot. Trent had walked back to her spaceship with her and would have gone in but he explained she had sent him back to the hotel to wait for Geoff to get back, and she had wanted him and Geoff to spend the night together and be there together so they could get an early start the next day and get it all out of the way as quickly as possible so she could spend less time worrying about the two of them.
    “She worries about us?” Geoff asked, when Trent had finished explaining.
    “I think she worries about you more sometimes.” Trent replied.
    “Cos she knows you're immortal and what not?”
    “Nah, she doesn't know that. Why would she know that?”
    “Wait, you didn't tell her? Why not?”
    “I don't exactly make a habit of it, kid. She just thinks I can take care of myself better than you can.”
    “I can take care of myself just fine.” Geoff said, huffing once more.
    “I don't doubt it kid, she also knows I'd protect you. Which does make me wonder why she cares more about you than me. It ain't fair if you think about it.” Trent said. “Well anyway, I think it's about time you headed to bed. We've both had busy days, and we're gonna have busier still. So tell me kid, you got any regrets?”
    “About what?” Geoff asked, confused.
    “Anything. You got any regrets about how today went with your lady friend?”
    “Not a one.” Geoff replied as he slipped out of his clothes and in to the bed.
    “'Atta boy.” Trent said. He turned out the light and laid in his own bed but he couldn't sleep right away. Instead he turned to his side and watched Geoff fall asleep. He couldn't stop himself from worrying about what might happen, but eventually sleep took him, and he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Friday, 28 December 2012

Friends

No, not the TV show, I'm talking about actual friends. I said in my therapy post that I would just turn the subject of friends in to a post of it's own, and so I shall. That would be this post in case you didn't get the hint.

Let's face it, I'm cute, relaxed, open minded, affectionate, and for the most part I have a pretty cool personality. I don't find it too hard to make friends, I've talked to plenty of people in my time. When I want to be, I can be pretty charismatic; I have the silver tongue of an English gentleman. I think it's evident in my writing when I write a conversation. See I can happily sit here and say that my problem is not making friends, my problem is keeping friends.

Keeping friends requires time, and effort. Sometimes I really do want to be left alone, even if I know it's not really good for me. I've had plenty of bad experiences with people too, which doesn't help. I have a hard time introducing myself to people. I'm very different once you really get to know me. Like how me and Fang joke all the time about being gay. I wouldn't really hit on a guy, ever (I r failed closet homo) but I'm able to sit back and have a laugh with him. It's not just how much bad people have screwed me over though, it's also how much good people have let me down. They also keep leaving me and so I'm left on my own. I know that not every friendship I have can be one like I have with Jessica, even she doesn't know people like us, but I feel like I deserve something. Every time someone has let me down, it's a slap to the face and to the psyche. The main reason I have no social life, and never go out, is that no one has ever invited me. When I started getting close to my boss I got visions of hanging out in his flat with him, and other people from there had done, but nope, apparently I'm not good enough. In fact other than Jessica I've been to one guys house. ONE. It was a god awful fucking nightmare too. It was the first time I had ever been to someone's house, so I had no idea how to behave. It lead to much social destruction and embarrassment. Now I'm afraid to go to the toilet in my own mothers house without asking. Every time I ask her too she tells me off for asking.

Bad people have hurt me, good people have let me down, and I have no idea how to even keep a relationship going. I have trouble starting a relationship, and I think that every friendship I form has a sell by date, and thus there's no point in getting in to it. I can't just sit back and enjoy the good times I get with the people I know.

That, in short, is how I have trouble making and keeping friends.

Yes I'm aware I said I had no trouble making friends but what I meant is that I'm quite likeable, and so if I applied myself I could have friends. When I was playing World Of Warcraft (don't judge me, I was lonely) I had a circle of friends. As one by one they left I felt so hurt and let down that I never built it back up. In the end my friends were the only reason I played that game, and in the end, the lack of them is the reason I stopped.

Sorry about the length of this, I really got on a roll. Oddly enough it only took fifteen minutes to write.

Thursday, 27 December 2012

I Find My Lack Of Podcasts...Disturbing

As you all know I've not only been a bit ill, but I've also been stupidly busy. Okay not all of you knew that, in fact I don't think any of you did. Long story short, I've been kinda ill and busy. I'm not really resting much, but it's not so bad. I cleaned up the front room again today to make it clean once more, and I got a good start on cleaning the back room up. I also went on a walk that was mostly for the sake of going on a walk. I think I might be developing a problem. I'm actually doing things that are...good.

I even ordered a t-shirt yesterday that was a little expensive, and I told myself that I would basically clean up the house some in exchange for the money to pay for it. But I found myself thinking that I wouldn't ask my dad for the money for it. If I don't do that, then it means that I've actually bought myself an expensive treat. Me. Spending money. On clothes. For myself. Sentence fragments. It's just totally unheard of, it really is. What's even weirder is that it's a My Little Pony shirt. I never in a million years thought I would buy one of those, even when I became a fan of the show. I was reminded of the shirt though, and found it, and even though the shirt cost 25 dollars, and the shipping was sixteen (for a grand total of about £26), I said to myself "fuck it, I deserve this" and bought it.

...I actually treated myself, I cleaned up for the sake of cleaning up, and I went for a walk for the sake of going on a walk...what the holy Hell has happened to me?

This is the shirt by the way, and I fully plan to wear it
It's based off of this video

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Happy...Boxing Day?

You know, I still have no idea why they call it Boxing Day. Anyway I hope you guys had a good Christmas if you celebrated, and just a good day if you didn't. Mine was a mixed experience. I can't go in to why it wasn't so good but one thing I can tell you is that I wasn't feeling well. My niece has been coughing all over my things for about a week now and I haven't slept properly since last Thursday. I had an insanely busy day on Monday too, so it all added up to one sick little me. I think I'm just allergic to Christmas though, I think I was ill last year. Maybe I'm allergic to cheer?

Anyway, it's still all part of the holidays and stuff, so I won't keep you long, I'll just let you know what I got for Christmas. I got some socks and stuff from my parents, a jigsaw and some chocolate from my sister (I had a third present I never received) and some sweets from the other sister. From my dad the laptop I'm writing this on counted as my present, even though I think I've paid it all off now, but ah well. He also gave me some money to buy a game from the Xbox Live Arcade store thingy, and so I bought Sonic Adventure 2, one of my favourite games. From Jessica I got Silent Hill 2 and 3 (the video games, I'm not into horror but I enjoyed Silent Hill because it was more psychological than things jumping out at you for a cheap thrill) and a Cardcaptors boxset, in original Japanese (with English subtitles of course) which was just downright awesome. She knows I watch anime in original Japanese and never listen to dubs, so she went out of her way to get it in Japanese.

My parents must be so proud of me. I was going to share a picture of the boxset but decided it would be in my better interests not to.

Hope you guys got something you wanted, whatever it was.

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Merry Christmas!


Shortest post ever? By me perhaps.

Have a good Christmas and I hope you either got what you wanted, or gave someone what they wanted.

I would say I feel bad for having such a short post but the one I wrote for Friday is plenty long enough.

Monday, 24 December 2012

It's Christmas Eve

If you happen to be reading this on Christmas Eve then I suppose I'll throw a round up your way. I'm not going to judge you for not being with your family or anything don't worry. I plan to still read blogs today, and even tomorrow. I'm only with the family for about half a day. Anyway, let's get this over with so you can go back to being social outcasts. I mean, dutiful bloggers, of course.

Tuesday I celebrated the fact that my blog had received an award for being cute. What exactly is cute about black, black everywhere, I am yet to really know. I guess the content and language is cute, even if the design isn't. Either way I was happy, and did some things. Oh that's right I answered questions in a cute way. With cuter answers.

Wednesday I had a guest post up by the fabulous Shockgrubz that was well received by all. It's a sci-fi story that has some elements mine doesn't, such as human modification. If you're wondering why I didn't include that, the reason is that I just don't like it too much. I don't like the idea of science trying to improve nature. I'd love to be a cyborg sure, and have robotic arms, but only when I need them.

Thursday was a podcast about a few things. Mostly how the world wasn't going to end. I totally called that one by the way. Also included is how Santa can in fact represent the true spirit of Christmas. Or at least, one of the true fundamental beliefs of Christianity, which is giving and good will to all men. I think there were some other things thrown in there too but that's mostly it. Other than me stretching out the ending for about two minutes.

Friday was a post about my recent therapy session. Just a heads up guys I don't have another one until the new year. It was a pretty good session, she challenged me on if I'm even ready for therapy, and to make the changes I have to, and I hope I was able to rise to that challenge and prove that I am. I have my whole week planned out too (well I have at least one activity per day planned) so we'll see how ready I am. If I can stick to this schedule then I'm doing good. I actually did clean up the front room of my house today, which was one of the items on the list, and a short term goal. Yay me. I didn't go to work like I planned, but I'm not letting that get me down.

Who thought I would ever say that?

Saturday wasn't an Immortal Space chapter, and became the explanation of why there wasn't one. I was half way through an update when my nieces wouldn't leave me alone, so I couldn't get it finished.

Sunday WAS the Immortal Space chapter, complete with cuteness and wub. There are some mistakes that need to be corrected though (thank you Fang for pointing them out, keep at it. Pwease?) but maybe by the time you read this, or that post, they will be edited.

Doubtful, but you never know.

So that's that then. Have a merry Christmas if you're celebrating, and just have fun if you aren't. I hope you either get what you want, or give someone else what they want.

Sunday, 23 December 2012

I Said It Would Be Kawaii

And boy did I mean it. Parts of this were actually a little tough to write. Which makes me sound almost insane.

Okay, quite insane.

But the point is that I did indeed get it done. I was able to finish the chapter, and do such a good job of it that it just utterly refused to end and ended up running a little long. Though I did make you wait an extra day for it. Also fun fact time! In three or four more updates time, Immortal Space will be the length that Wikipedia defines as a "novel", as I will pass the 40,000 words mark. The word count right now is 35962 and each update is roughly 1-1.5k words.

Anyway, enough rambling, on with the show! PS Sorry in advance for any walls of text.
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“I think they're gone.” Geoff said, looking over his shoulder.
    “You sure?” Lisa asked, looking back herself. “Yep, looks like it.” She agreed after checking for herself.
    “How stupid do they think we are?” Geoff asked.
    “How smart do you think YOU are?” Lisa replied, giggling.
    “Smart enough to know we were being followed, right?”
    “Sure, sure. Good boy you. Do you want a pat on the head?”
    “No thanks, I'm still wearing the hat.” Geoff replied, tipping his hat. Lisa took it off of his head and put it on hers and then patted Geoff on the head and ruffled his hair. Geoff looked at her and was going to take the hat back but he decided it looked better on her and just turned away. Lisa got the wrong idea and put the hat back on Geoff.
    “Sowwy” she said, pouting. “I won't do it again. Don't be mad” she added, kissing him on the cheek. Geoff flushed and put the hat back on her.
    “I'm not mad, I'm not” he said, panicking a little. “I thought it looked really good on you. Honestly.”
    “Then why did you turn away?” Lisa asked, smiling and pulling the hat down.
    “You looked way too sweet in it.” Geoff said. The pouting and the kiss on the cheek sure didn't help.” He added. Lisa giggled again and struck a little pose to show off. She went wide eyed and nibbled her index finger. She laughed again when she saw Geoff's reaction. It was a mixture of shock and embarrassment and he was going a little weak in the knees.
    “How's this?” She asked in the softest voice she could manage. Geoff shook his head, grabbed her hand, and started to walk off, taking her with him. “Hey, you okay?” Lisa asked him.
    “Fine, fine.” Geoff replied.
    “Then why do you seem so upset?”
    “I'm not upset.”
    “You aren't?”
    “Nope.”
    “Then why are you pulling me so quickly and holding my hand so tightly?”. Geoff stopped and held on to her hand less tightly.
    “Sorry,” he said. “I didn't realise I was, to be honest.”
    “It's okay.” Lisa reassured him. “You sure you're okay though?”
    “I'm fine, really.” Geoff said, smiling for good measure. “Why do you ask?”
    “You just seem a little off. Did I do something wrong?”
    “No, not at all. I'm just too nervous I guess.”
    “Too nervous for what?”
    “This.” Geoff said. He shut his eyes and pulled Lisa towards him, wrapping an arm around her. He leaned down and kissed her before she could tell him not to, or say anything at all. She put her arms around his neck and went a little limp in his arms. When he felt her go limp, Geoff held her closer, and tighter. Lisa pressed herself tight against Geoff and ran her fingers through his hair. It was over in half a minute or so but it felt a lot longer. When they broke apart Lisa leaned against Geoff's chest.
    “Where did that come from?” Lisa asked, softly but with a hint of amazement.
    “I have no idea.” Geoff said, with open amazement. “I really don't.” he added, beginning to drift off.
    “Hey, lover boy. Stay in reality.” Lisa said, tapping him on the cheek. Geoff shook his head to clear it and looked down at the girl using his chest as a pillow.
    “Let's just, err, move on shall we?” Geoff said.
    “Awwwww.” Lisa pouted, tracing her finger across Geoff's chest. “Do we have to? Where would we even go?”
    “Aren't you even a little hungry? I know I am.”
    “I am a little, I guess.” Lisa admitted. “But I know what will whet my appetite.” she added with a low purr.
    “Come on missy, we should get something to eat. We can go back to doing whatever when we're done.”
    “You mean that?”
    “Sure. Why not?”
    “Fine, but on one condition.”
    “What's that?”
    “This!” Lisa shouted and jumped on to Geoff's back. She put her arms around his neck and stuck her legs out around his sides. “Hi, ho Geoff, away!” she shouted, sticking her arm in the air and pointing in front of them. Geoff smiled, grabbed her legs to support her, and started walking in the direction she was pointing.
    “I have one tiny regret.” Lisa admitted while on Geoff's back.
    “What's that?”
    “That I'm already wearing your hat. Let's face it, it would have been much better for me to pull your hat off and put it on when I jumped on your back.”
    “You're right, it probably would have.” Geoff admitted, imagining the scene in his head. “Well you can't have everything I guess.”
    “Sure you can if you know how.” Lisa said. She leaned back a little, careful not to fall off and put Geoff's hat back on his head. She then pulled it off again and held it in the air before putting it back on herself.
    “Okay that wasn't quite as good as it should have been.” she said, a little disappointed.
    “Maybe not, but it was still fun wasn't it.”
    “That it was, dear boy. That it was.” Lisa replied, leaning forward to rest her head on his shoulder.
    “Why did you jump on me anyway?” Geoff asked her.
    “You looked soft.” Lisa replied with a giggle. “Soft is good. Didn't you know that?”
    “I'm living in a cheap hotel. I've not been on anything soft in weeks.”
    “Am I not soft?” Lisa asked, pressing herself against him. “I think I'm soft.”
    “Keep that up and I'll drop you.” Geoff said.
    “No you wouldn't.” Lisa replied, poking Geoff's cheek. “You wouldn't drop me because I'd get hurt if you did. You don't want to hurt me now do you?” she asked, nuzzling his cheek for good measure. “You really wouldn't hurt little old me, would you?”
    “No, I guess not.” Geoff admitted with a slight bitter tone in his voice.
    “That's what I thought.” Lisa said, kissing his cheek. She let out a little gasp of surprise when he let go of her for a second before grabbing her again and pulling her back up.
    “Meanie.” she whispered to him as she held him tighter so she couldn't fall off. Geoff let out a laugh and leaned forward a little to make sure she was totally secure before continuing on.

Lisa kept her head on his shoulders while he walked and he thought she had fallen asleep but when he said that they had arrived at somewhere they could get something to eat she lifted her head up and hopped down from his back. Both of them looked a bit disappointed when she was off of him.
    “We should do that again some time. It was fun.” Lisa said. Geoff agreed and together the two of them entered the cafe they had managed to find themselves at. They went up to the counter and ordered their food and after Geoff paid they found somewhere to sit.
    “So how are things between you and your dad?” Lisa asked him when they were seated.
    “They're going fine.” Geoff replied. “Oh, and he's not my dad.” he added.
    “You sure?” Lisa asked, taking a sip of the tea she had ordered.
    “Pretty much. I think he'd remember something like having a kid, don't you?”
    “Guess so.” Lisa conceded. “It would be nice though if he was.”
    “What makes you say that?” Geoff asked, puzzled.
    “Well he seems like he'd make a pretty kickass dad. I wanted him to be my dad when we got married.” Lisa was glad Geoff wasn't drinking when she said that or he would have gotten it all over her with how he spluttered. She gave him a cute smile when she saw his eyes darting all over the place as he was clearly shocked.
    “Ma-ma-ma-what?” He managed to say.
    “Relax sweety.” She said, taking hold of his hands. “I was kidding, kidding. Though I do think that Trent would make a pretty cool dad. Maybe I can ask him to adopt me anyway.”
    “Huh? Adopt you?”
    “You ever wondered about my family?”
    “Yeah a bit but they've just never come up. What are they like?”
    “I'm just like you. My family is gone. Except I didn't have a badass cowboy come waltzing in to my life and show me the stars.”
    “I'm sorry to hear that.” Geoff said, looking a little sad.
    “Don't be.” she said. “It looks like maybe I could have someone come and show me the stars after all.” she added, resting her head on her free hand and looking in to Geoff's eyes.
    “Is he a badass cowboy?” Geoff asked.
    “When I'm not stealing his hat.” Lisa replied, and stuck her tongue out at him. The arrival of their food interrupted their conversation. The two of them ate in relative silence, choosing to wait until they were done to broach more serious topics again. Given the nature of what they were just talking about, it was kind of hard to make small talk. When they were done Geoff asked her what happened with her family. She said it was a conversation that would have to wait for another time. She was having a lot of fun with Geoff and she didn't want to ruin that. She promised that she would tell him though eventually. They started talking about other things instead. Geoff told her what Earth was like and about Doctor Osborne and how he had chosen to stay behind. Lisa couldn't believe someone would pass the journey up but she could understand his reasons. They continued to talk about Geoff and his past. He told her the story of their trip to the fight club where he had almost gotten his ass handed to him and explained that was one of the main reasons that he had started training with Trent. After an hour or so he had covered everything up to when they arrived on the planet itself. Lisa asked him if he was still studying the spaceship manuals and he said that he had less time to do it these days but he was still interested. Geoff went to the toilet and while he was gone Lisa checked the time and was shocked at how late it was.
    “I think it's time we headed home.” She said when Geoff got back. He checked the time himself and agreed.
    “Want me to walk you home?” Geoff asked her.
    “If you want.” Lisa said, smiling and grabbing his hand. “Just take me back to where we met up. I live at the place we met.”
    “That bar? You live there?” Geoff asked.
    “That a problem?”
    “Not at all. Just a little surprising. I don't mind where you live. All I really care about is that you're pretty damn awesome.”
    “Well that's sweet of you to say.” Lisa said. She jumped on his back again and pointed towards where she lived. “Now take me home!” Geoff laughed as he started walking towards where Lisa lived.
    “I had a whole lot of fun.” he said to her.
    “Me too. More than I've had in quite a while.” Lisa replied, nuzzling in to his cheek again.
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Oooh according to Wordcounttool.net (the people I paste to so it gets formatted properly) this update is exactly 1900 words long. For some reason their word count never matches the one Open Office gives me. Weird. A quick edit turned one giant wall of text into two fairly large walls of text. Best I could do I reckon.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

Not Quite There

Hey guys just to avoid wasting your time by making you read three paragraphs before I get to the point: There will be no Immortal Space today. BUT (look at the size of that but) the reason this is is that I was writing yesterday but due to circumstances outside my control, I did not in fact get to finish. The chapter is part way along, and I hope to have it finished today, and published tomorrow. I hope, this isn't a promise.

What are those circumstances you ask? Well it certainly wasn't the apocalypse I'll tell you that. Unless of course the world has ended and I'm the only survivor and I'm now living in a giant hallucination. Gotta say it feels pretty real. Anyway, the circumstances were  my nieces. They wanted to play some games, so of course I went along with it. They're cute and I have fun with them.

So, for today, let us celebrate the fact that we're still alive, and hope that through the power of hope, I can in fact finish writing the chapter. It's the second half of Geoff and Lisa's date so you know it's going to be kawaii.



I'm still alive and so are you. Now join me in being sorely disappointed by this fact.

Unless, of course, none of this is real. Maybe they just reset the Matrix. Does it mean we'd all be dead? I suppose they could just reprogram us with our old memories so we don't think anything is off. They also mess with time so it really could be days, years even, after December 21st and we wouldn't know.

Save us Keanu Reeves! 

Friday, 21 December 2012

Celebrate Survival With Therapy

So it seems like we aren't dead, yet. I must say I am most disappointed with our former Mayan overlords. I hope that they're laughing their asses off while they chill out up in wherever it is Mayans go when they die. Anyway that's not really the point of this post, I already addressed all that crap in the podcast yesterday. This is a post about my most recent therapy session, and, warning, it could get pretty inconsistent and all over the place.

Before my therapy session even started, I decided to walk in to town and have some dinner at Subway because, it's fucking Subway. I was quite proud of myself for that really. When I got to the doctors I was the only person in the waiting room. It was pretty damn freaky. Sick people came in, but they never stayed. I want to know what happened to them all.

2012 anyone?

One of the reasons I've been so thoroughly depressed this week is because I came to realise how lonely I really am. I was kinda happy these past few weeks but my weekend with Jessica was absolutely perfect. Best two days ever, and then when I realised it was ending, I got depressed. Actually when she left I would even look over at where she slept. See I want to be happy with my own company. I want to be happy with myself and spending time with myself. I guess though that this isn't totally possible. Suzy really wants me to get, for lack of a better term, a social network. She wants me to make friends and really I know this is the best way to fix being lonely. Get some more people to talk to. It's not that I have too much trouble with admitting I'm lonely, sometimes I don't even have trouble making friends, but I find it very hard to keep them. Friends take time and energy and effort and I'm just no good at that stuff. This is another problem I have with making friends; I'm used to them leaving me. Screw it I can probably turn this into a separate post and not ramble about the same subject.

One thing she asked me is I'm sure I'm ready for this change. She puts a lot of effort in but it's no good if I don't give anything back. I can do things because she tells me to, and to tell myself "it's for therapy" but then after the therapy sessions are done, I won't be able to do anything. I told her that I had been doing things without telling her though, such as going to Subway before I went to the session, and how I walk to the supermarket instead of going in the car with my dad. The fact I didn't tell her until I felt I had to says in a way that I did it for myself, and not to impress her in any way. So I think by the end she was happy that I was able to do it for myself, and that I could make the changes necessary.

She had me plan out my entire next week. Well, things I'm going to do, including two writing sessions, two walks, and even going back to work for a few hours. If I can stick to this timetable I will be pretty damn happy.


Thursday, 20 December 2012

The End Of The World Address

While a few subjects were covered in what may well be my last podcast (cos, you know, the world ends tomorrow) the main is of course the aforementioned end of the world, and how actually it may not come to pass.

Also included is my thoughts on how the commercialisation of Christmas is actually a good thing and helps spread the true Christian message more than preachers who insist you're going to Hell by not attending Christmas mass or remembering the true spirit of Christmas. I personally think that by giving people things we ARE celebrating the true spirit of Jesus, and of Christianity. One thing he preached was giving of ourselves to others.

There's also a reminder that I have a therapy session tomorrow, assuming I'm not running for my life, or dead, so that post is going to be an extremely late livepost.

   

   
   
   
   
   
   

   
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Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Thank God For Guest Posts

Seriously, yay for guest posts. I've been pretty depressed since the weekend still which means I've not written a damn thing this week. Well, nothing of any real substance anyway, yesterday's post doesn't count. Or I should see it as counting and not be so depressed but anyway, yes, I have a guest post for y'all. It's from Shockgrubz and really he describes the whole scenario so much better than me. It's a pretty cool story so enjoy! PS It's about the length of one and a half IS updates, to give you an idea on length.
-------------------------------------------------------
Rewind to a few years,months,or eons ago, or what seems like an eternity to me and you'll find on a Doomcast of mine,  a promise that I would produce a guest post to be shamelessly featured on this very blog. Since then I've been waging a battle with the most terrifying enemy to any writer. My inner critic.

 First off, he's got more imagination than me. Any attempt for me to hit 'publish' or 'enter' is interrupted by his loud claims of shortcomings and missteps. I'd be thinking about posting a story about a cloud eating machine, and he shows me a web-page that has links to cloud-seeding and nitrogen falling from the skies. He tells me that it's all been done before and I'm not bringing 'anything new under the sun'*

 Before these words have reached you, I will have crafted over two-dozen posts for this very occasion. To this day only one survived, and I give it to you.

Meet Shaze McFey, a twenty-five year old rouge urban survivalist who woke up ravenously hungry and is calling his friend, Theodore Expilsion, to ask for a favor.
-------------
"Hello?''

"yeah, it's me. I was wondering if you might possibly be able to give me a
ride to the grocery store. I don't have any gas money, but I will be able to slide you a bag of nuggets, if you can use them."

"Okay. You're over there?"

"Like always"

"See you in a few minutes"

From the moment his thumb clicked the end button to theo's knock on the door shaze's thoughts were of nothing but food. He became ravenously hungry once he allowed his mind to drift into culinary cogniscience. With the anticipation of shopping for food comes the mixture of a great culinary imagination and the perpetual munchies of being a growing man. Shaze's next three thoughts :

 If immediately chilled, the pastry shell of the choco-moose pie will not crack when contacting the frigid filling.

 Brown food tastes the best because your body doesn't have to turn it any other color.

 How much would do-it-yourself tiramisu cost, and can I hack it?

Theodore's knock on the glass brought Shaze out of his munchie musing. He was up and with his friend walking to the vehicle in seconds.

 "so, thanks for helping me out. I'm in the market for baking supplies and implements."

" you know,  shaze. You can't purchase implements with the implant."

 To drive his point home, theod took shaze's finger in his hands and tapped the glowing spot that communicated all of the social help that he recieved from the government.

 "I know that, but now they've made these new muffins that come in their own re-usable forms. I can buy those with my data-ray" Shaze pointed his pinky finger as a gun toward theodore and made cute 'pewpew' noises.

 Theo laughed and looked back to the road. He liked SHaze. He wished he could help him more. If theo could take all of the times his friend had made him laugh, he could fill a twitter up for years. But theo didn't use twitter for laughs, he hung out with shaze, and that was enough.

 At the grocery store, shaze caught the eye of a wild promiscuous heathen. She had purple and orange locks in varying widths and styles of braids hanging from a central topiary that draped them down over a face that can only be described as stimulated sensuality melded with a serious silliness. She had never seen shaze or theo in her life, but she walked up to both men as if they'd been roomies for years.

 "Don't get the durum wheat, you know how gassy that makes me.'

 Theo laughed a syllable of mirth. Shaze dropped the pasta he'd been pondering and looked at her as if her gas would be marketable enough to be on that shelf right next to the Borscht.

 Bridgelle then pretended to be comparing the ingredients of the soups by plucking them out of the dispensers on the end, then placing them back in the dispensers in the middle. She did this a few times before theod asked her name.
'My name was mulligatawny, but secretly I am Gazpacho! she said while pointing at the names of the soups before depositing them in the wrong slots.

 'Gazpacho, we have a briss to attend. Let's make haste!" Shaze knew exactly what to say to diminish the scope of his new muse's destructive chaos while getting her to follow him to the ends of the earth,(or at least out of atley's foodmart).

 "A briss? oh, my. we musht have kosher salt." she skipped along the frozen endcaps until turning out of sight.

' Ditch her man, I'm catching bad vibe' Theod was trying to talk sense into his friend. He'd seen so many like Gazpacho before.

' Can't. I bet you don't like her smell, I understand if you don't want her coming along.' Shaze was always talking to theo of people's smells and how the bigger the nose, the more sensitive the sniffer. Theod's nose was bigger than the pepper bridgelle brought back with the salt and club soda. theo wondered if there'd be another nose joke soon.

 'you know, because after the baby gets cut, he might want a stiff drink'

 'I would down some sauce if my Johnson became just john'

Bridgelle spied the glowing light within shaze's finger. she grabbed it with glee. She said that she had only just heard about the device that those of the poorest class were forced to obtain to continue their track on welfare service.

 'I hear that these feed you dreams of being a slave for crassus'

 'No, my dreams lately are of the insides of my eyelids' shaze ended the statement with an exaggerated frown. Bridgelle took the cue and lightly touched the skin over her new love's eyes.

 'Those lids must be extrodinary!'

 Theo had walked off in hopes that shaze would ditch bridgelle and come to his senses. Theo then started a silent countdown to ditch his own buddy.

 Along the utensil isle, she grabbed the knife. He couldn't see her do it, but Shaze saw a determination in her face that he knew meant she wanted something and was about to get it. She took him by the hand and led him through the butcher's area to an unmarked bathroom.

 He didn't flinch one bit. He was silent from the moment he saw the glint from the blade to the instant he heard the tiny 'plop' sound the rfid tube made coming out of his skin, He made a few grunts in acceptance, when she wrangled his finger from his fist, but other than that no words passed their lips.

 The blood was just drying on the edge of the paring knife, dulling the light in front of bridgelle's face. From the dime-sized tube came an amber light emitted from an led in the top of the thing.

 ' They just gave you this last week. It has all your med records as well?'

 ' Yeah, even that one time with the gourd. They still won't erase it.'

 She took that word and leapt with it out the butcher's double doors.
"Let's erase it!'

 'Nono, sweet Gazpacho, I have to use that to pay for the groceries.'

 The rfid chip Bridgelle/ Gazpacho held in her fist could not only divulge the amount of state food aid he had remaining in his balance, it would reject any inappropriate maximums in fat,sugar, and sodium at the checkout counter.

 Shaze didn't understand that once the device hit air, a silent alarm went off, disabling all of the assistance and beckoning authorities to recover the device.

 The newly enamoured pair met back up with Theodore at the checkout. He had the latest issue of technological advancements quarterly and looked to be ogling the cashier.

 'That'll be twenty-two oh two'

"I don't want it that bad", and in protest, Theo chucked it into a wastebasket behind the cashier's back. It bounced on the rim twice before plummeting to the sticky
void. In time for the surprised look of the blustered cashier, a loud alarm went off that cut off Theo's next witty line.

 Bridgelle took Shaze by the collarbone and pressed her lips to his forehead for a split second before saying

 "Find me at 7 effing 36th at 8:40, and we'll talk". With that exchange came a look of spontaneous change from flighty to fierce. She darted out the door before anyone else moved.

Shaze was frozen, still trying to fit in what was happenning. Theo was at the door, looking at him expectantly, waving his arms and shouting something drowned out by the loud alarm. The managers and workers had sped to the other end of the store, as if they'd done this in a drill before. Shaze didn't move to save himself until he saw the security guard speaking on his walkie-talkie, with one hand on his billy-club.

Theo was no longer visible at the entrance, but Shaze knew his friend couldn't help him at this point. In a move born from overheating suddenly, Shaze threw his overcoat at the guard. Inexplicably, it covered his face and Shaze ran the way he saw Bridgelle go.

There was no sign of the mysterious woman, but he did see Theo's Green Beast doing a turn into a parking lot down the street.

 A swat van blocked the intersection only two seconds after Shaze had walked past. The survivalist shook off the suspicion that they didn't see him, but he was able to make his way back to his friend in time to see what looked like a military-grade staging area being made at the grocery store.

 Theo had positioned the ride to jet away as soon as Shaze shut the door and belted in.

"Did I cause that, or you cause that?", Theo queried Shaze for the source of the fracas.

"It was me, well me and my new crush". Shaze couldn't help but remember how sweet her neck smelled when she kissed his forehead. He was smitten, and he got a pad from the glove-box and started writing what she said to him.

 "Now what, you're listing your demands?" Theo knew the limits he could take his friend to before he'd stop 'kidding'. He was comfortably within the lines with this jabbing question.

 "Yes. They include the ability to see my crush. And the ability to decode her message."

"What is it?"

 "Find me at effing seven thirty-six at 8:40" Shaze wasn't the best at decoding cryptic messages, but Theo had years as a cryptographer, working with state documents and high-clearance security folios.

 "Worry, not, Mercucio, for I know where to find her, and when."

 "You amaze me, friend. I don't think anyone could have deduced it quicker. Before we go, do we have time to stop for a meal?"

 "Plenty of time. We don't rendezvous until tonight, so what do you say to steak?"

 Shaze said no words, but shook his friend's hand and transferred it into a slapping hug to show his acceptance of a steak dinner and an evening of adventure.

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The Ten Billionth Award Ceremony

Okay I haven't quite gotten ten billion awards (yet, give it a few years) but I did get one recently and I figured I really haven't gotten one in quite some time I might as well go and make a post about it. I'd take a page out of GluttonDan's (formerly WorkingDan) book and piss on it from a porch but I don't have a porch. So I guess I kind of have no choice but to accept it. Plus it's the first time I've gotten this one and generally my policy on these awards is to make a post the first time I get one, and then just leave it at that. So yep, on with the post. 

The award in question is the Adorable Blog Award. 
Even the award is adorable
Given high amounts of pone on the blog lately I do think it really has been more adorable than usual so yay. I got it from Althea and she said I have to answer the same questions she did. So let's have a look at those.

Q1  If you were stranded on a beach in the middle of no-where, which three people would you have with you? 

Jessica and two random people we can use as food. Omnomnomnomnom.

Q2  Which celebrity(s) would you love to meet?

Tara Strong. She has been in absolutely everything ever. I'd also like to meet Bruce Dickinson, Ville Valo, William Control, and Darren "Lord and Master" Hayes.


Q3  If you won one million pounds/ euros - whatever, what would you spend it on?


Plushies. Lots and lots of plushies. So many plushies. I'd also buy several cats, and a house to, well, house them in. Then I would put the rest in some kind of savings scheme so that in a few years more time, I could buy MORE plushies. I'd obviously need to leave out enough to survive for those few years. Though I guess if I won a million I could become a minor celebrity for a few weeks for more money.

Q4  Pick two people you can't live without.


Jessica and hmm...wow. I genuinely think I could live without anyone else in my life. Give me a second here...nope no one outside of the family. Even inside the family I would say only my dad is the one I truly depend on. I'd be sad, sure, but I could keep living. I don't think there really is anyone I could genuinely not live without. If I lost Jessica I wouldn't be a pretty sight for quite some time, and by God it would really, really damage me, but I always seem to get through everything.


Wow some of these questions really weren't adorable at all.

Have another cute picture.


Monday, 17 December 2012

Why'd That Weekend Have To End?

I have had pretty much a perfect weekend. It's a real shame it had to come to and end too. Jessica came down on Friday and we spent the weekend watching stuff together and going on walks too. It's been a while since we went on a walk properly really. She's not been doing too good either so its been great to have her laughing and enjoying herself. It's been the best weekend I've ever had I think. It really is a damn shame she has to go, and I won't lie, I'm depressed at that thought. But hopefully she'll be back Tuesday to stay for a few more days and we have plans to fix up the house some too. It's her birthday today so she's going to go home for that. I'll be a big brave girl though.

I think.

Well you really came here for a round up, not to see me get all overly emotional. How often does that keep happening? Seems like way too damn much. So, on with the actual show.

Tuesday was about the goals I have set for myself, and how I don't really have many goals due to seeing a difference between dreams and goals. I have several dreams, but very few actual goals. The main part of goals is to make them attainable, and I'm just too accepting of my own limitations to really set myself goals I might not be able to reach.

Wednesday was a list of things you can do to make yourself happier. Six things to be precise. It was a post formed around an activity in my psych book in which I had to list six ways a person could lead a happier life. The post goes in to more detail too.

Thursday wasn't a podcast but rather a series of random musings about gay marriages on boats and how my family now know I like My Little Pony. Turns out my sister still reads occasionally and she saw that I had really been mentioning MLP a lot so asked me if I liked it. Simple as that.

Friday was a post about presents. It got pretty weird but basically my mum asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I had no answer for her. In fact it's now been so long I might have to tell her to just get me money so I can buy something myself. I had planned on writing a list of things down and giving it to my dad to give to her when he took the nieces home yesterday but never got around to it.

Saturday was the latest Immortal Space update in which Trent and Lena go on a date that SPOILERS. Basically yeah you'll have to read the chapter, but it really counters the whole "he's not such a gentleman after all" comments left on the update before.

Lastly Sunday wasn't much, but it was something. Jessica introduced me to a really beautiful song and so I shared it with everyone.

Well there you have it folks. I hope you guys have  a good week, as well as myself. Enjoy it, for it shall be your last!

Remember, the world ends on Friday!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

I don't have much

To be honest I really don't have much for you today. Jessica came over and she'll be here until tomorrow morning. She's going back home on Monday for her birthday and then coming back again and spending a few more days here if all goes to plan. This past week I've not really listened to much music beyond the pony music I posted last week. I've not watched much TV either. Although I was actually introduced to this beautiful song yesterday by Jessica so I figure it'll do.



Hope you've had a good weekend guys.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

One Charming Motherlover

I told you guys Trent had a master plan. I mean, he's a dandy southern gentleman, he's bound to. I don't think is going to be as super cute as Geoff and Lisa but those two are a super sweet couple and they're young, they still believe in things like love. Ah, to be young again. Anyway, I got this written up yesterday after several setbacks including my computer crashing but thankfully everything was saved up and Openoffice was able to recover the document. I don't even remember leaving it open. So, on with the show!

----------------------------------------------------

Lena was beginning to get restless. Trent and her had been following Geoff and Lisa for over an hour now and nothing much had changed. They were still just walking around hand in hand and occasionally talking. Trent was even starting to get a little bored of following them now.
    “I think I should just go home.” Lena said, checking the time on her communicator. “It's not like I'll miss anything.” Trent looked around at her.
    “Hmm? I think you'll miss something you're interested in if you go home now.”
    “What might that be?” Lena asked, looking doubtful.
    “Well we're here now.” Trent said with a smile.
    “Where?” Lena asked, looking around in confusion.
    “Here.” Trent said, pointing to a sign on a building to his right. Lena hadn't been paying much attention to her surroundings and hadn't noticed that they had come to a fancy looking restaurant. The structure of the building was grand with a double door on the front and large windows on either side. She looked through the windows and saw decorative chairs and tables set around the floor with a bar in the corner and a fireplace in the middle of the back wall. The waiters wore suits, as did a lot of the patrons. She looked down at her own clothes and then across to Trent and the clothes he was wearing.
    “You mean we're going in there?” She asked, pointing at the door. “Is that why you're dressed so smartly?” Trent ruffled his jacket and feigned offense.
    “I'll have you know I always dress smartly. What kind of scoundrel do you take me for?” Lena was lost for an answer and stared at Trent for a few seconds before he smiled at her and grabbed her hand. “You're right though, as we're going to go in there.” he said, pulling her towards the door. Lena continued to look at him in amazement as he lead her through the doors and introduced himself to the maĆ®tre d' who showed them to their table. He handed them a menu each and then returned to his post at the front of the restaurant. Trent sat back and opened his menu.
    “They have chicken here...wonder if it's real chicken. What do you think?” he asked Lena.
    “I don't know what to think any more.” Lena said as she looked around the restaurant.
    “Well personally,” Trent said as he put down his menu and looked at her, “I think you should decide what you want to eat, then we can go from there. You ARE hungry, right?” he asked. Lena nodded and opened her menu to have a look.

After about half a minute she put the menu back down on the table and, after confirming she was ready to order, Trent summoned a waiter to take their order. It turned out the chicken wasn't real but he got over his disappointment and still ordered a chicken dinner. Lena had a steak dinner and they settled on some red wine to drink. Trent decided to pass the time while they waited for their food by talking.
    “Okay, what did you want to know?” Trent asked.
    “Well,” Lena replied, “For a start, what are we doing here?”
    “We're here because I wanted to treat you. I booked a table here when I found out what Geoff was up to today.”
    “So you were always going to bring me here?”
    “Yup.” Trent said, nodding.
    “So what were we doing following the kid around?”
    “I thought it might be fun. Besides, we needed to pass some time. You didn't enjoy yourself as much as I thought you would though. Sorry 'bout that.”
    “I just...you really had all this planned?”
    “Sure did.”
    “I didn't think you were all that interested.” Lena said, turning away to hide a blush. “That you just wanted to follow the kid around.” Trent gave a loud laugh and grabbed Lena's hands.
    “If I only wanted to follow Geoff around why did I call you out? I could have done that on my own and had just as much as fun. I wanted to spend a little longer with you than I would if I just called you up and invited you out to dinner.”
    “So why were you so focused on Geoff and his little date?”
    “That? I got carried away is all. We all get carried away when we're having fun. Didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't interested in spending some time with you.”
    “So let me get this straight.” Lena said, resting her head on her hands, “You had planned to come here all along, and you only asked me to come out earlier because you wanted to spend a bit more time with me.”
    “That pretty much covers it.” Trent replied with a smile. “Any more questions?”
    “Just one.” Lena said with a smirk. “How did you know I'd even come out today anyway? This could have all been in vain.”
    “Well who wouldn't want to spend the day with me? I'm damn awesome and we all know it.” Trent said, looking smug.
    “Now who's being vain?” Lena said. She shook her head and looked at Trent with a blank expression. “Wait, that doesn't even make sense. Forget I said that.”
    “It's okay, I get it. You're just in awe of how fantastic I am.” Lena giggled at that.
    “Sure I am, handsome. But I do have another question for you. If you're so super awesome and everybody loves you why isn't your kid more like you? Shouldn't your sheer awesomeness have rubbed off on him?”
    “He's coming out of his shell a bit, give him some time. I didn't think you were interested in him anyway.”
    “I'm just curious as to why if you're so great, he's, well, not so great.”
    “He must be if you ask me.”
    “What makes you say that?”
    “Well he asked that girl out, that takes confidence doesn't it?”
    “Hmm...” Lena said, thinking. “I guess you're right, that would take confidence.” Trent heard the squeak of a trolley and looked around to see a waiter bringing them their food. When it was laid on the table they started eating in relative silence, stopping occasionally to say a few things but not really serious conversation. Lena found out that Trent was from Earth and he explained why he had come here, and why he had brought Geoff with him. He left out some details, such as the extent of the damage the crash had done to him. He told the story as if he just had a really bad accident and woke up in a hospital bed, rather than in a morgue. He didn't want to parade around his immortality, he only really told people who had seen it first hand to explain to them what happened.

    Lena explained that she was from a colonised planet a few light years away and her reasons for coming were quite like Trent's; She had come to the poorer part of the planet in the hopes of earning some travelling money. She came from a relatively poor background and so she had grown up learning how to fight and decided she wanted something better for herself and so she scrimped and saved for a few years until she could buy a ship. This planet was the closest to hers and so she came here to see what she could do with her talents. She turned out to be quite a natural bounty hunter and enjoyed the feeling that she was getting rid of people who made the lives of others as bad as hers was when she was growing up, so she continued to do it. She had found out about Steven and had given up on trying to catch him not long before she ran in to Trent and he knew pretty much everything from that point onwards. When they were finished eating Trent paid the bill and the two of them went to the bar to sit and talk for a little longer over some more drinks.

Friday, 14 December 2012

Presents

So I'm at my mum's house and she says to me that she has no idea what to get me for Christmas, and asks me if I would rather have some money (and some small presents she always gets me like clothes) or just ask for something, and I actually freeze. See, there are two points I need to raise at this moment. One has come up before but the one that hasn't is I still enjoy the surprise of Christmas. I still enjoy that moment of "oooh what's this?!" I get when I get a present from someone. Whenever I get something from my dad, I know what it is because chances are I helped pay for it (I always get laptops and gaming related things from him, those things aren't cheap) so I like the surprise to come from my mum. So that's why I don't like telling her what to get me. The other problem is quite similar to the one I discussed about goals. There's not much I seriously want. Not enough to tell someone to get it for me. Factor in the self hating and what you have there is someone who not only won't tell someone what they want, but actively CAN'T. It's the second time this year I've been asked what I want, and I have no answer. I can say "oooh I want this game" and chances are I do, but do I feel like I deserve it? Do I feel like I want someone to actively spend their money and buy it for me? More often than not, I don't.

The choice here is fairly obvious. I either get the surprise from Jessica who never asks me what I want, and my sisters (who also never ask) and thus tell my mum something I want. Or I become comfortable with the idea of her just giving me money she otherwise would have spent on what I want. The right thing to do would be to tell her and that way she gets to know something about me, and it will help her the next time a present giving comes around. My family is very out of date when it comes to my tastes. My youngest sister, who knows everything about everyone (seriously she knows every birthday she's ever been told, even for fictional characters. I asked her when Harry Potter's birthday was and she told me not just his, but Daniel Radcliffe's too. Freaky) didn't know what I liked. Or I could tell my sister to tell her to get something. My mum told me what to get one of my sisters and one of my sisters told me what to get for her. Although I think I need to get a little something extra for her.

For now I told my mum that basically I would look online, and post a few things I want to Facebook, and she can pick one. That way, I still get some of the surprise. But I can't go through with that because I don't like the idea of people spending money on me, ever, and can't just tell someone something I want.

It's a catch-22 and basically I'm just a whiny little bitch sometimes.
Pretty much the face I pull when thinking this stuff out. PS. There won't be a picture every post, I just wrote this one after I wrote yesterdays cos I'm a filthy cheater.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

The Tiredness, It Burns!

Sorry to say guys but I don't have a podcast for you today. I have had a tiring past couple of days. On Tuesday Jessica came over and yesterday I had to be up early to babysit. Late night + early morning = whole lot of tiredness. So, for that, I am sorry. Instead just have these random thoughts I probably would have said anyway. Just read them in my voice and the effect is the same!

I had a very strange thought today. You see, for quite some time now (we've all seen Pirates of The Caribbean) the captain of a ship had the power to marry people on his ship. So I found myself wondering just how long there have been gay marriages. Let's face it, on ships, especially in the old days, nearly everyone on board was a man. Sure, there was the occasional female passenger, and more transport ships of people going to different places, but for the most part the seas belonged to the men. Also, let us not forget that there are technically no laws in international waters. You sail a boat out far enough, you can do anything, even marry a man. Think about that.

PS I'd love to get married on a boat, especially to a dude. In fact were it not to a dude I probably wouldn't want to, I can't swim so I'd just do it to piss people off.

It turns out my sister still reads this thing every so often and with the high rate of pony related posts lately she just came out and asked me today if I like MLP. I simply said yes, my mum awwwwed, my other sister said she liked it to, and the sister who asked just pretty much said "that's that then". So, yeah, the family know and it didn't go that bad at all. At least, not while I was there, God only knows what they say to eachother.

Also, because my sister occasionally reads, expect a return to total and utter seclusion and a complete re-distancing of me personally.

All my wub are belong to Fluttershy. It's times like this I consider something may be wrong with me.
Sad news is that what with all this extra tiredness I've not really done too well in terms of therapy goals. I've not done any writing so far (but plan to do some tomorrow) and I've barely been outside (but I did walk to the supermarket today even after waking up early and spending two hours with a demon child, A.K.A one of the nieces who is actually totally adorable and not in any way evil) so really the day hasn't been a total bust, and neither has the week. I didn't let being tired stop me and I still went out.

Annnnndddd....That's that for now. Have a good day folks!

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Six Steps To Being Happy

I was reading through my psych textbook yesterday, doing what I had to do, when there was an activity for me to do that I could turn in to a post. The activity was to look back through the textbook at certain sections and come up with a response to someone who asks you for help becoming happier. I had to think up six ways this person could try and lead a happier life. The almost sad thing is that I could do this for anyone but myself. But let's not get into that, let's focus on becoming happy.

1: Go on a healthier diet. I'm not saying cut out meat and increase vegetables (though actually I partly am, you just don't have to go to extremes). A balanced diet helps give your body the nutrients it needs to keep your body going with enough energy to get through the day and do what you have to do.

2: Exercise. Even if it's just going out for a little walk you'll get yourself plenty of oxygen and keep your serotonin levels up. For those who don't know serotonin keeps your mood up, so it can be pretty good when it comes to picking up your mood. Plus, as you've seen through me, going out for exercise can help boost your self esteem.

3: Think about things more positively. It sounds cheesy but if you take bad things that happen, and try to find some good in them, you can cope with them easier and of course, stay focused and positive and not get bogged down in depression. You don't feel like you can go out? Then try and do something good inside instead. Normally when I feel like I can't cope with going outside for a walk I do some indoor exercise.

4: Focus on the positive things that happen, as well as the negative ones. A good way to do this is at the end of the day you write down three things that went good, and three things that went bad, and why they were good or bad. This helps you remember that even though negative things happened, positive ones did too and it helps you deal with the negative ones.

5: Try to form a good social relationship with someone, find some friends. Having someone to talk to, someone who is there for you, seriously makes you feel good. Hell you saw how being part of a group can make you feel when I shared that essay I wrote. You have an interest? Join a forum or chatroom or a messaging board on that subject. Having people to talk to about My Little Pony has helped me come to terms with the fact I like it, and feel better about that.

6: Find, and do, something you enjoy doing. It sounds obvious but it's surprising how little people seem to be willing to do something they enjoy doing when they find themselves depressed. It's a tough cycle to break but by doing something you enjoy you'll pick yourself up. Especially if you're good at what you do, and you embrace that.

So, there you have it, six ways to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start walking down the path to happiness.

God this post was cheesy.

P.S Today is 12/12/12, enjoy it because it's the last time we'll have a matching date for quite some time. I am going to cry so much on 11/12/13. We need a thirteenth month, just so I can have that feeling for one more year.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Goals

WARNING: This post is LONG. Even by my standards.

This is what I mentioned in the last therapy post, something that really deserved it's own post. Suzy wants me to make a list of goals, short, mid, and long-term goals. We were able to write up three long term goals; to be happier and more comfortable as and with myself, to release a book, and to fix up the house. I couldn't think of any short and mid-term goals though. That's the thing, I don't really have goals. I talked to someone a few days ago who seemed incredibly surprised I don't have a bucket list. I really don't. There's nothing I really want to do, I have no want or need for a bucket list.

Suzy disagrees with me on this but I see a difference between goals and dreams. There are a few things I want to do, sure, I would love to visit Japan, Sweden, Finland, and a few other places. I want to sleep in the Ice Hotel too. These to me are just dreams. I can accept if they never happen because I don't see them happening. Do I want a job? Of course, but I don't know what kind of job I want. I want to be a writer so I can decide my own schedule. I want to keep the freedom I have. Suzy said she knows another therapist who had a patient who wanted to become an author and they actually ended up quite successful (no she didn't tell me who, and I didn't ask). Do I want to be in a relationship and find love? I don't know. I don't even know my own damn sexuality! I'm a romantic person, sure, and I'll help people through their relationships. I even kept a woman sane until she could finally move half way across the world to be with her soulmate, but do I want that for myself? I really don't know. The answer is supposed to be yes. We're supposed to desire love and affection. I think I'm more interested in sex itself than actually having it. I want to be emotionally secure with myself, not with someone else. I don't even really want many more friends. If I lost Jessica I don't think I would ever have a friend as close to me as her again. I don't really feel the need to go out and socialise and be around people.

I want to be a psychiatrist sure, but do I really know it? I wanted to be a programmer at one point. Then I tried it, and realised I was out of my depth. If I really wanted to be a psychiatrist wouldn't I be studying more? Suzy asked me if I'm going to go on to do a BSC in Psych, really go for a proper degree in it, and the answer is I don't know. I wasn't 100% committed to this introductory course, and I'm going to need no doubt about what I want to do to go on to a full course with a stupidly high fee. She says that's to do with how I was studying at home and if I was with other people then it would have gone differently.

Things like being happier with myself, fixing the house up, and publishing a book, they will advance my life and leave me in a much better place. I'm even contemplating telling my dad to buy some paint and I'll paint the house up in my spare time like I painted up my own room. My dad would probably even pay me for it, so I'd be doing both him and myself a favour if I did.

Really there's not a whole lot I desire, at least not for myself. When you think about goals, you think about what you want, and what do I want? What do I, at the bottom of my heart, want? My long term goals. Happiness, security, safety, comfort.

Love? I want to love myself, not have others love me.

Monday, 10 December 2012

That Week Lasted Forever

Seriously, last week seemed to last forever. I really need more stuff to do I guess. Though it's odd because the last time I had a really productive day it seemed to last forever and ever and just not end. I get the feeling this week is going to drag on too. Just like this post seeing as I'm going to turning it into six posts in one. I think, let's count them!

1.Tuesday was the sparkling revelation of just how much I still hate myself and the main reason I don't seem to be changing is because I don't do anything for myself. That makes it sound bad. It was sort of a stream of consciousness as I started writing while depressed and getting everything out. Then it ended abruptly when I started crying and thinking that there was no hope for me.

2. Wednesday was much much happier. It was technically a guest post by our good friend Fang who had written a story where me and him meet and it was just so sweet (and gay) I had to share it. Seriously, it's pretty damn gay. In the gay sense, not the bad sense.

3. Thursday was my latest podcast in which I mostly talked about the goals that had been set in therapy the week before and how well I had managed to stick to them. This included editing my first short story from my collection and I hope to edit the second too. Who knows, if the world doesn't end, maybe I'll actually get around to releasing it in a few months.

4. Friday was my latest livepost about therapy, written when I got home from it. It was a pretty cool session, right up until she decided that I would have to write the agenda for the next session, and disagreed with me that I'm not doing it just for her. Then she said screw it, and told me what to do knowing I would do it for her. She's crafty, I like that. The good part is I don't have a session this week, and my next session is the day the world ends so maybe I won't even have to worry about it.

5. Saturday was the latest update in Immortal Space. It was the start of Geoff's date with Lisa, and the start of Trent messing with Lena. Don't worry, it will all end well. What I also managed to achieve was to at long last update the Immortal Space page up there. Every update is now linked up on that page. Now to hope I can keep up with it.

6. Sunday I posted some songs created by the folks who are part of the My Little Pony fandom. But, seriously, those songs are epic and you don't even have to like the series to enjoy them. It's pretty much all I've been listening to and now my fan levels have gone through the roof.

So, there you have it, that really was six posts in one.

Don't tell anyone but I do sometimes feel bad that I spend about 10-20 minutes writing those posts, and they end up so long and detailed, and then I sum them up in a few words. Oh well.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Fanbase Music

To put this simply there's really only one kind of music I've been listening to lately since I discovered it just a few days ago. It's music that's made by people of the My Little Pony fandom and is based on the show itself. Don't let that stop you from listening to it, a lot of it is genuinely fantastic and can be enjoyed even if you aren't a fan of the show. There are people who outright hate MLP but love some of these songs. It's hard to pick just a few, but there are a few I love more than others so eh, that makes it kinda easier.









Four was way more than I actually wanted to share but I was lucky to be able to narrow it down to just those four.

Saturday, 8 December 2012

That Awkward First Date

I didn't get any more Immortal Space written this week but the good news is I wrote two updates last week (how well did that turn out for me?) so there is an update. It's the start of Geoff's date with Lisa which may quell the gay rumours. By the way, after several nights of being up at two AM because I couldn't shut my brain off, I think I've managed to work out everything story-wise. Now to hope it makes sense
------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hey, you made it!” Lisa said when she saw Geoff approaching. She was wearing a beautiful sundress that was pure white with a yellow trim and a bow tied around her chest. When Geoff teared his gaze away from her clothes and to her face he saw that her blonde hair was tied back with a ribbon and she had a flower in her hair, white, like her dress. Geoff couldn't help but stare until Lisa came up to him and poked the side of his head.
    “Don't space out on me now, boy. I expected to do a bit more today than just stand here and watch you watch me. Or is that really all you wanted to do?”
    “I, err, I wanted to do more, of course.” Geoff managed to say after stuttering over his words at first. “I just didn't expect you to be so...so...” he started before drifting off and staring again.
    “So, what?” Lisa said, crossing her arms and looking stern. “What didn't you expect me to be?”
    “So beautiful.” Geoff said, with a smile. Lisa, however, was not smiling.
    “You didn't expect me to be beautiful? I'm hurt.” she said, pouting and looking at her feet.
    “No, no, no, no it's, it's not that.” Geoff said, stuttering again and rubbing his hands into his head as he was trying to stay in the moment and escape it at the same time. “I always thought you were beautiful, from the moment I saw you, honest.”
    “Really? You mean that?” Lisa asked bashfully.
    “Really!” Geoff said, a little too enthusiastically. “Really, I mean it.” he repeated, calming down.
    “Just as I thought!” Lisa said, laughing. Geoff couldn't believe what he was seeing and was clearly confused.
    “Huh? Wha?” he tried to say.
    “Nothing, don't worry about it.” Lisa said, taking a hold of his hand and starting to walk. “Come on, we've got plenty to do today so let's just get started shall we?”
    “Wait, wait. What was all that about?” Geoff said as he walked quickly to keep up with her and avoid being dragged as he tried not to think about her hand in his. “You sure you're okay?”
    “Just fine sweety” Lisa said, cuddling up to him and putting one of his arms around her. “I just felt like messing with you a bit. I'm fine, so let's just enjoy our day, okay?”
    “Yeah, yeah, sure” Geoff said, squeezing her hand. “You had me a little worried there.”
    “I know.” Lisa said, stifling a laugh.

    “Did you see that?” Trent said, laughing as he watched Geoff and Lisa walk off.
    “You know this isn't really what I thought you wanted to do today.” Lena said. The two of them were in an alley near where Geoff and Lisa had met up and were watching them walk away. She was dressed how she usually did except she wasn't wearing her military jacket and instead had put on a regular one devoid of knives. She was stood with her hands in her pockets looking a lot less enthusiastic about the day than Trent was.
    “I know but what's a better day out than watching two kids in love try to have a good time?” Trent said.
    “We could have fun by ourselves.” Lena said, leaning against Trent. “I didn't know you were such a voyeur.”
    “I'm not, not really. I just think this is going to end hilariously for all not involved. As in, me and you.” he said. He put his arm around her which made her smile until he shouted “Onward!” and dragged her along with him. Lena decided to just go along with it, for now. She vowed to make him pay for it down the line though.

    “So what did you want to do today anyway?” Geoff asked Lisa, who by this point had taken Geoff's hat off and was playing with it by throwing it in the air and catching it.
    “Oh? I thought we'd just have a walk around first and then find somewhere to have some dinner and talk. That sound okay to you?”
    “Hey, it's a day out with you, of course it's good with me.”
    “I thought as much.” Lisa said, putting the hat back on Geoff. “So, why do you have the hat anyway?”
    “Trent and me both agreed it completed the look, so he said I could borrow it.”
    “What look would this be exactly?” Lisa asked, looking Geoff up and down. “Cowgirl?” Geoff stopped and spluttered and looked across to Lisa who he saw was smiling at her own joke.
    “I happen to think I look quite handsome today, thank you.” Geoff said, trying to sound dignified.
    “Oh me too.” Lisa said, mimicking Geoff's tone. “Why you'd be the prettiest little girl in the rodeo.” Geoff smacked himself on the forehead, which is no easy feat when you're wearing a hat.
    “Would you stop saying I look like a girl please?” He asked her.
    “Maybe when you stop looking like a girl.” Lisa replied, sticking her tongue out at him.
    “I am not a girl, and I don't look like one!” Geoff said, getting impatient.
    “I know sweety, I can tell that.” Lisa said, poking him in the chest. “Can you tell I'm a girl?” she Geoff. Geoff turned around to look at her, but then looked back and blushed because she was sticking her chest out. “No?” she said. “You want to poke my chest? I assure you I'm a girl. You want some proof?” she asked and started fidgeting with her dress.
    “No, no, I believe you, you can stop that.” Geoff said, taking a hold of her hand.
    “Awwww, I was looking forward to that.” Lisa said. Geoff made a small noise that sounded almost like a whimper. “Well actually you're right, I wasn't really going to do that.” she added, giggling. “But it sure was fun to see your face. Maybe another time, eh?” she said, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. “Boy your face is pretty warm. You running a fever?” Lisa asked and played with his face, pretending to examine it. “Well you've gone red, your face is getting pretty warm and it looks like your heart rate has gone up quite a bit” she said, placing a hand on his chest. “I'm not sure you're really well enough to be doing something like this.”
    “I'm fine, really.” Geoff said, eager for her to not cancel their date. “I'm just nervous, okay?”
    “I know, which is why I'm messing with you so much. Calm down, okay? You're doing fine.”
    “I'll try.” Geoff replied.
    “That's my boy” Lisa said, taking a hold of his hand again.

    “You know what's funny?” Trent asked Lena. They were walking behind Geoff and Lisa, trying to stay close enough to hear them but far away enough to not be heard by them.
    “How much time we're wasting trailing the kids when we could be doing something else?” Lena asked. She still wasn't too pleased about what Trent had dragged her in to.
    “Well, that too.” Trent said, pondering. “I was actually going to say that Lisa was right. The look I was going for with him today WAS cowgirl.” Lena tried to look serious but burst into laughter after a few seconds.
    “Okay that's pretty funny. You really did that?” she asked.
    “Pretty much.” Trent said. “I think he doesn't realise how I normally look.”
    “And how do you normally look?” Lena asked him, checking him out.
    “Really quite effeminate, don't you think? I mean, what kind of man wears boots like that?”
    “The kind of man I like.” Lena said, taking a hold of Trent's hands.
    “Well that explains why you're still single doesn't it?” Trent said. Lena hit him in the head. “I'm pretty sure the hitting thing contributes too. You should look into that.” he said before Lena hit him again. “Okay let's just move on shall we?” Trent let go of one of Lena's hand but held on to the other and started walking to follow Geoff and Lisa. Lena walked alongside him and placed a hand around his waist.
----------------------------------------

All FIX'D thanks to Fang. I have no idea how those mistakes even happened.

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