Friday, 30 August 2013

Welllll....

There seems to have been a little confusion about yesterday's post so I'll just clarify some things first. A4E, the people who sent me for the job interview, also sent the other three applicants. While it's true that an employer is not legally obligated to inform an unsuccessful applicant, and a lot of employers don't bother with it, these other three applicants and myself are legally obligated to tell A4E whether or not we got the job unless they tell us first. The successful applicant would tell A4E they got the job and then A4E would tell me I didn't.

Telling me I didn't get the job is exactly what they did this morning. While my interview technique was flawless and there was no negative feedback whatsoever the other person had more retail experience than me. I have four years retail experience and have done every job at where I work including admin work. Four years and it's still not enough? I know I have nothing to be ashamed about but I'm still disappointed. That job would have been great for me, if not perfect.

I want to look towards the future and move on but I'm finding it very hard to not get trapped in a spiral of despair. Still, I have my bike now, once I have a back wheel put on it. I'll be able to start exercising and feeling better about myself again. I think I might quit the gym to be honest. I haven't gone in over a month and I can't really afford it. I have absolutely no motivation to go in there and I'm saving 80-90% of my money right now. Another reason I wanted a job. This job. Everything about this job was just so right for me.

Like I said I know I have nothing to be ashamed of and I know I have more things to come for me. Right now I should go back to focusing on me and my body. I can't allow myself to wallow in pity. I need to get this bike sorted, I need to get out there and I need to keep on truckin', as the expression goes. It's just pretty hard to right now.

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Well...

You might have noticed this blog post is late. Like, super late. There is a good reason for that. I was waiting to hear some hopefully good news and it's now reached the point in the day where I think to myself "This isn't happening" and I gave in and decided to just post a blog. Chances are maybe I'm giving in to early and by the time you read this I will have in fact got my news.

You might recall last week that I went to a job interview set up for me by A4E. I was in there again yesterday and asked them if they had heard anything yet. They told me that the decision wasn't final but it was between me and some other schmuck. They called the guy up again for me and he told them to call back today at around noon. That was four and a half hours ago. At about two I called A4E myself and asked if there was any word but the woman who could tell me was in a meeting and I left a message asking if she could call me when she was free and let me know. That was about two hours ago, and still no word. So, as I said, I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not going to be told today. Whether I've got the job or not I would just like to know. Obviously when I do know then I will let you guys know. I don't think her not calling is a sign I don't have the job either because they would tell me that I didn't get it. I also think the guy who runs the place I interviewed at would just call them, or would also call me even if I didn't get the job.

So, for now, all I can do is sit and be annoyed that I STILL don't know anything. I do however now own a bicycle. It's just missing a functioning back wheel. Joy of joys. Although that's only mild sarcasm. I am happy to have a bike and I'm sure if my dad and my brother weren't super busy today they probably would have picked me a up a wheel instead of leaving me home on my own. Sheesh if that bike was up and running I could just go into A4E myself and be all "Where's my job?"

Anyway, that's why this post is late and why I still don't know anything. Thank you for your continued patience on this breaking news story. More as it develops.

Monday, 26 August 2013

What Magnum Opus?

For those not in the know a "magnum opus" is essentially an artist's greatest work. It refers to things like the greatest story a writer wrote, the greatest picture an artist drew, the greatest sculpture...you get the idea. Anyway, on a site I'm a member of (yes that fanfiction site) there was a guy who was feeling like he should stop writing and felt that he had reached the pinnacle of his writing. This is my response to that guy.

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Well I'm not sure how much more I can add to all of this really. I will say though that if you're basing this on views and likes, then my silly little comedy piece would be my greatest work. I have written about three different magnum opuses by now. Several times have I thought to myself "This is it. This is the greatest thing I have ever written." and it never is because I then wrote something else that made me feel like that. In Nomine Equi was well received and may be potentially your greatest work, but only your greatest work so far. Keep going, hit new heights, and see how high you can really get. No matter what it is you do there will probably always be someone better than you, and one of those people is always going to be you yourself. Don't compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to your last work. My story Working Towards The Future has received massive acclaim. There are people who don't want it to end. It's had over 800 views, only has 2 dislikes, and yet I only have fifty followers. If I let statistics get in my way I wouldn't write at all. As far as I know I still haven't received a single royalty check for my book. But I've received 99% positive feedback.

Even if something you write isn't as good as INE it does help contribute to your abilities, your glory and your overall prestige. To be honest I can't tell you who wrote My Little Dashie. I can't tell you who wrote Cupcakes. I still haven't read MLD and I have no plans to. Even if I could tell you who wrote those fics, I couldn't tell you anything else they wrote. Sometimes the works can even become more famous than the writer. Or there are works that become so famous they asphyxiate the writer and force them to stay stuck with one thing. When my story ends I have plans for other stories not set in that universe. They might not be as popular but I'm going to write them.

Writing is just what I do. I tell stories, I create worlds within worlds and I make people happy with my worlds. Not everyone is going to enjoy the same story and not everyone is going to enjoy the same genre. There might be people who have read all your stories BUT INE. If you truly think you have written your best work then it's up to you to prove yourself wrong. I don't think you have and I don't want to see you quit just because you think you can't better yourself.

/rant. So much for not having anything else to add. 
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No matter what it is you do, never feel like you should stop just because you feel like you've reached the pinnacle. There's no such thing.  When did I become such an expert on this stuff?

Friday, 23 August 2013

I Wish I Could Tell You How It Went

This blog post is up super late and there's a very good reason for that. I had a job interview today at a local gas station. I not long got back from it actually, after walking home. It was only about two miles or so. There was a bus stop opposite but the bus drove past me while I was looking up the timetable and debating walking home, so I just walked home. About a minute after I started walking home ANOTHER bus drove past me. Yay.

As I said in the title I would love to tell you how it went but I really can't. The guy didn't ask me too many questions and mostly told me things. Such as that my uniform would be provided for me, what my hours and pay were, and really the only questions he asked were simple ones like asking if I was okay to cover weekdays and sick leave of other employees. I'm pretty apathetic towards work. I'll get a job but I've always felt like I need one, and not massively felt much of a want for one. It sounds terrible I know, but this job would be perfect for me. I mean absolutely perfect. The hours, the distance, the job itself, it's all perfect. It would be working sixteen hours across two night time shifts. I would have the money to support my writing and wouldn't really lose much free time and much writing time. I'm living with my dad still so my pay isn't a massive factor either. Minimum wage is £6.19 and I could be very, very comfortable on that.

The people who set me up with the interview even seemed surprised that I wasn't asked too many questions. To me it either means I have the job or I don't and he didn't want to waste his time and mine. They gave me lots of fancy interview prep both Wednesday and Thursday. My interview technique is apparently perfect. I know all the right answers and the right way to deliver them. But he didn't ask me anything they asked me. They asked me things like "So what do you do when the store is busy and it's just you working?" and "What IS customer service? How do you maintain high levels of it?" They also set me up with a haircut and even some nice interview clothes. Clothes I can say I am thankful to be out of and hair I can say I'm thankful will grow back. Everyone loves my new hair but me.

Anyway, I'll obviously let you guys know how it goes but for now I have no clue how it went.

My new hair. It's kinda hard to see but I essentially have short back and sides with a slightly long front. When slicked back it looks pretty nice, but I don't like how it looks when it falls forward.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Not Much To Say

I didn't really have too much to say and was feeling a little bad about not having a podcast in the past two weeks so I basically just said what was on my mind. Which, unfortunately, was not a lot. Basically this is the audio version of me writing about having nothing to write about.

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Interestingly enough things started happening not long after I recorded the podcast and I had a very busy afternoon. I'm also going to have a busy day and will have details for you tomorrow. Tomorrow's post may be late too, thanks to it's contents.

Look at me being such a huge tease here.

Monday, 19 August 2013

From Bored Wrestling Fan

As you guys know, I am a bit of a wrestling fan. So much so I'm now a Bored Wrestling Fan and while this post is wrestling related it's not actually about wrestling. So even if you don't like wrestling you can read it too. It's about a certain wrestler. A guy called Darren Young. For those of you not in the know, and I will be surprised if you don't know, he recently came out as an openly gay man. This would make him the first openly gay professional wrestler. Note I said openly gay. There have been others, including Chris Kanyon who unfortunately is no longer with us after committing suicide and he struggled with his sexuality during his lifetime. He played a gay wrestler, then pretended it was all a gimmick and that he was straight, and in his biography he wrote about struggling as a closeted gay man.

People are of course being very accepting and congratulating him on being who he is and coming out, but there's a small problem. They won't stop. I went into a rant on Bored Wresting Fan and I'll just copy and paste the rant here for you. I went into more depth on the show itself (which you can find here, it's about 2 hours in though and there's a LOT of cursing). I wish to preface this the same way I prefaced it on the radio show. I am a bisexual man. That's how little a person's sexuality really means in this day and age. None of the hosts really reacted to me saying I was bi, and no one listening live even mentioned it. It isn't as big a deal as people think it is, and if it REALLY is, then it shouldn't be.

------------

I hate to sound like a cynical bastard, even though I am, but does anyone else think that they're going to split Prime Time Players up (possibly by making Titus a homophobe), and giving Darren a monster push resulting in a title run? They said not long back they want a strong black babyface champion and with how much they've been touting this I would not be surprised if they took out two birds with one stone and had a strong, black, gay babyface.

To be honest, no it shouldn't be that big a deal that DY is gay. It's being made that big a deal thanks to people like Kanyon and Pat Patterson who were treated badly by the industry for their preferences. It wouldn't be a major deal if WWE wasn't making it a major deal. Usually when celebrities come out these days they don't get a fanfare. It's not such a big deal anymore and they usually get a pat on the back and a "well done you." WWE are making this a huge deal and I am so worried that it's going to become a big deal in the show too. I've heard people argue his coming out was actually a work. Not questioning his sexuality of course. It's hard to deny that when you think about it. It shouldn't be a big deal, and in today's society it is actually becoming less of a big deal.

 I told my friend that a WWE superstar came out as gay and she didn't respond much. She basically said "Oh, good for him." She's an old wrestling fan and a transgender gay woman so she's the kind of person who usually regards openly gay celebrities as Gods. It's not such a big deal to her anymore. Effectively WWE is trying to prove they're ahead of the times and they're such an open promotion and business that a man can be gay and not have it hold him back. They're doing this by proving how backwards they really are and if they actually give DY a title like I fear they will, then I hope it becomes incredibly negative publicity and they realise what an absolute mess it was to make such a big deal out of something that, in this day and age, really is not that big a deal.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Back Where I Left Off

By "back where I left off" I mean I'm getting back to exactly how I left things. I'm tired, ill, and actually this post is live because I didn't prepare it last night. I didn't even read posts last night and I had to read posts from last night this morning. Thankfully there weren't too many of them. I am trying to take better care of myself but this is not including trips to the gym. Although to be honest there are actually some opportunities coming my way.

I'm trying to acquire a bicycle, I have some job opportunities, and once I'm not sick I'm hoping to try and take even better care of myself. I'm going to need to be in good shape if I'm going to possibly have a job. I'm also going to need that motorbike. I'd just go on another bike ride with my dad but it's not cheap and seeing how I'd need to go two or three more times, it might be cheaper to just have my brother find a second hand bike. We tried to find some (as in me and my dad) but it didn't go well. My brother is pretty well connected though and so I think he can find something if we don't. Once I get this bike I can really push myself into getting a job and even with a bicycle things will be easier. I can get to the gym much easier or even leave altogether and just take a lot of bike rides. There are also two jobs I stand a pretty decent chance of getting but they don't start until September/October.

Like I said there are things coming up, there are opportunities coming my way, I'm just playing too many waiting games right now. I don't have all the answers and it's going to be some time until I do it seems.

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Two Weeks Without A Podcast

I know it's a bit bad to have two weeks without a podcast. My excuse last week was of course that I was on holiday. I don't really have much of an excuse this week. But this week's Thursday post will be a bit of a followup to last Thursday's post. In that I said that my trusty external hard drive had broken which meant I lost my computer backup. I also said that I was hoping my brother could fix it. Unfortunately he could and while the files could potentially be saved, it is an extremely pricey procedure whether I do it at home or have a repair guy do it as you need three hard drives. I read up on it myself and it seems you need the broken hard drive (obviously), a new hard drive for all the data to go into, and an intermediary hard drive to handle the transfer. So basically that would be your computer. I do have a second external hard drive but I'm not sure if it would be big enough. I also think that my broken one is potentially more broken. At first the computer could recognise it, and tell me that it was plugged in, but the data was inaccessable. As long as a hard drive is recognised by a computer it can be salvaged. You use the computer to pull all the raw data out of it, and put it onto the shiny new hard drive, and then you turn it back into the data it was before so that way it's readable by the hard drive. Sounds simple enough really, except for I think my brother told me that now the hard drive wasn't even recognised by a computer anymore.

Thankfully as I said all of my writing was backed up on to two seperate online locations and my music was on my other laptop. Also some of the things that held more sentimental value than anything else have been replaced, or weren't as lost as I thought. There are some things that are irreplacable, and some things that I'm having trouble replacing (and have apparently given up replacing) but I can make new irreplacable memories and they're inside the greatest computer in the universe, the human mind.

I'm still sad I lost it all, which seems silly considering it was essentially a load of ones and zeroes, but enough was saved for me to be content. I still have all my pictures, I still have all my music, I still have all my stories, I just wish I still had all my old messages.

Monday, 12 August 2013

I Have Returned

That's right folks, even though I do not come with a ghost army I can assure you that the king has returned. Yay for Lord Of The Rings references. I didn't have the internet much when I went away and unfortunately I wasn't able to do as much writing as I wanted to, but I did still manage to have quite a bit of fun and I'm already feeling nostalgic about the whole thing.

That is partly though because my life is probably about to change one way or another. I might be getting a job soon and even if I don't get that one, I'm more motivated than ever to get one. I'm still going to finish off my other story before going back to commercial writing. It's sad but I have to acknowledge that right now I can't make anything viable out of writing as I do believe I'm still yet to receive any kind of royalty check for my first book. No, sadly I must carry on with the daily grind of modern men and women. Or create various get rich quick schemes. Oh if only.

I have come to accept that I am a pretty darn good writer and I continue to improve. But I'm a terrible promoter. I can't sell myself or my own hype. I actually did a post about that when I was gone so I won't really repeat myself. I do have some resources for freelance writing though should the urge take me. It's something I tried before but could never really get into. Not getting any writing jobs didn't help with that one.

Speaking of posting while I was gone, thank you to everyone who did visit and leave a comment while I was gone. I think I only got about two or three comments on the Friday post but I've been informed things are showing up slow in feed readers. So I'll just cite that as an excuse. Anyway I am back now which means I can be reading blogs as well as writing them.  So maybe now my visitor numbers will slowly creep back up.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Painting And Decorating

As I was trying to think of posts to make for next week, I thought of one I could make for this week that ties into one I can make for next week. Unless I got more ideas and you're reading this when I'm away. In that case, wasn't the post I replaced this with awesome? As you may remember, I DID replace this post with one about my cats, but this is still going up on a Friday. How about that?

Anyway, I recently decided to take advantage of some things, including my own copious amounts of free time. Which may be coming to an end, but this is just what happens when you decide to use something. It goes away pretty bucking quickly. Well the title of the post should give you some idea of what I got up to. Actually the job isn't complete yet but I've just been melting in this sun. Which was also part of the reason I did the job but more on that in a second.

Following the great success that painting my room (albeit with Jessica's help) was, I decided a while back I would paint some of the rest of this house. Pretty much every wall in this house needs covering in something and paint is easier. It's something I can do at least. I kept putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off but I finally got around to asking my dad to fund this and getting it done. Over the course of two days I was able to paint the stairway (I managed to strain my right wrist doing that somehow) and half of the hallway. It might not sound like much to you but I assure you it was. I went through two massive tubs of paint. Although one was spilled onto the carpet...

It's a really good blue colour and it gets me all excited because there's something I didn't realise until after I finished applying a lot of it. It is this colour;
I assure you it looks MUCH better now. This was taken when it was wet and it lightened up as it dried.
That colour might not mean much to you. It's blue, so what? Yes it's blue, but it is precisely THIS shade of blue;
Both the shade of blue it is, and my reaction to this realisation.
That, to me, is pretty damn awesome.

What isn't so awesome? Having to finish the job. Oh and to clarify why it being so hot was one of the reasons I did this in the first place. That would be because I painted without a shirt on and was happy to take any excuse to not wear a shirt. It was so damn hot I conquered my body issues.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

*Insert Curse Words Here*

I'm writing this from last Friday, when the terrible incident I'm about to recount to you occurred. 

Let me start by giving you some backstory. For the past month or so whenever my laptop was unplugged it would occasionally turn itself off. One day it turned itself off and wouldn't turn back on until it was plugged in. That's when the problem became evident. The battery was broken. Thankfully I had a backup laptop, which is what I'm writing on now. Also thankful is that my laptop was still under guarantee, and the fan was broken anyway so I didn't see a problem with sending it in to get repaired. I backed up everything on my external hard drive and then wiped the hard drive of the laptop. I'm extremely paranoid and I know that when you take a computer into a shop they scan the hard drive for illegal material. Not that I really had anything illegal on there; I am, as previously mentioned, extremely paranoid.

So cue today, when things really went totally bucking wrong. My external hard drive fell. To the floor. It doesn't work. Everything that wasn't backed up online is lost. Don't worry though. All my stories are backed up on Google drive. It's a massive loss to me though really because there were things on there that were not copied over to my old laptop. Thankfully I moved all my music over, so that's not a problem.

I'm a very emotional person and the main losses are things that hold sentimental value to me. Hopefully they can be replaced, or my brother can fix my hard drive. He fixed it before and I know he likes a good challenge. He's pretty good at fixing things. I also had some entertainment on there for when I was on holiday, so it sucks I've lost that too actually.

But as I said it won't affect you guys much. I'm just depressed to have lost all that stuff. Fate conspired against me it seems.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Self Promotion

I'm writing this way in advance so even though I'm on holiday by the time you're reading it's something that's going to happen in my immediate future. I said last week that I'm pretty good at promoting things, but not very good at promoting myself. During a 12 minute podcast I promoted Bored Wrestling Fan (catch it on http://www.ustream.tv/channel/bored-wrestling-fan-radio at 2PM EST on Sunday, or subscribe on iTunes) about three times. I just promoted it then. If I mentioned the fact I was an author and had a book out as much as I did those guys, or the other people I promote, I'd probably be pretty cool right now. I'd probably be more well known at least.

It's no major secret that I don't think too highly of myself. This is the main reason I don't promote myself really. I don't like talking myself up because I don't think I can live up to my hype. That's what being confident is. It's about believing you CAN live up to your own hype. Or just not caring if you don't. I've seen super confident people and I've seen people who do believe their own hype. I've done it myself at times but, as I said, never really as far as my own work goes.

When people ask me about my book, and what it's about, my general response is pretty much "Well, it's a book. It's about...stuff." Part of this is because its a collection of short stories but even then, I can be all deep and meaningful and say "Well there are a myriad of different subjects in there, but most of the stories are about life and death. They're about the things we can do on this Earth while we're alive and what we can do to make sure we leave this world a better place. The first story in it is so emotionally powerful it made one reader cry, and another thank me. He thanked me because it made him appreciate his own child more, and the time they would have together. There's even some comedy in there to help break up the emotion and keep things from getting too serious."  I can even take the emotional human interest side too by saying "These are more than just stories though. These stories were written when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was a mess and I wanted to do something worthwhile and productive. I wanted to prove I have value and I did that with these stories." and people love a self published author sticking it to the large publishing houses.

So as you can see, I know what I should be doing, it's just that I really don't like the idea of doing it for myself. I just need more confidence and the ability to brush off negative feedback and trolls.

Friday, 2 August 2013

So It's Come To This

That's right folks, it's come to this. What has it come to? Me posting about how much I'm going to miss my cats when I'm on holiday. I missed them a great deal last year too. Actually the background picture on my phone was a picture of my cats. Because I was emailing a friend I saw it quite a lot too. I imagine the same is probably going to happen this year too.

They haven't been too affectionate with me these past few weeks but they're starting to be again. My guess is perhaps they know I am about to leave them for a while. I just don't like the idea of leaving them all alone and while my brother might not spend the entire week on holiday with us, he shuts himself in his room and is not a big fan of the cats.

We do have them being fed taken care of though at least. Last year my dad paid a neighbour's kid to do it and this year he's paying his brother. The downside of this? Puberty did a number on this guy. He's about my age and when we were younger he probably weighed more than me. Now he's a freaking adonis. Still if anything it was also a good look at what I have the potential to become. Damn I would not mind looking like that guy.

Now to be paranoid he's going to steal my stuff.

Although if anything goes missing he is the only culprit so I doubt he would anyway really. As long as he doesn't try and steal my cats I'll be fine. Everything else is replaceable.

Thursday, 1 August 2013

Biking

As you may recall this past Tuesday I attempted to complete my CBT. This stands for Compulsory Basic Training and successful completion would mean that I was fully qualified to ride a motorcycle legally on the road. The reason I'm stressing I would have to be successful is because unfortunately I was not successful and I get into why in the podcast. Also included in the podcast are details of what I did with the rest of my Tuesday instead. Well, mostly a bike ride that me and my dad went on using bicycles, rather than motorcycles. It was pretty cool and I picked up bicycling pretty quickly too, which just made it odder that I had trouble using a motorcycle.

Anyway, I believe I may be bicycling again and I'm considering, should it go well, attempting my CBT again as early as tomorrow. Regardless of what happens I shall of course let you know. For now, enjoy the podcast.


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