Friday, 28 February 2014

Dirty Filthy Words

This post has been sitting in the vault for a while. I wrote it and then chickened out of posting it, but it's the least offensive of my "Rambling Person After Dark" posts and I got nothing, so I decided to go through with posting it after all. I mean no offence with this post. NONE. Consider it just an English lesson, complete with a metric fuckton of swearing. We've started already! I'll apologise for offending you but I won't apologise for saying words in a non-filthy context.

Please note that while this post is going to be full of swearing, it actually contains NO swearing at all. As today I'm just going to say some words that have become curse words over the years, but really aren't. Some you might know, some you might not. I take no responsibility for any injury, fatal or otherwise, or wrath anyone should incur when using these words, and then trying to explain what they really meant with them. Oh and I guess some might be actual swearing, but it's tame swearing. Whatever, on with the swear-fest!

1. Bastard
This is actually a pretty common one, I think. But I did recently see a show where someone was called a bastard in the context I'm about to talk about, and it was censored, even though it was part of a story (Come on people!) so maybe it isn't. Anyway, bastard means a child born out of wedlock. If your parents weren't married when you were born, congratulations, you are now a bastard child! I'm not sure if it counts for people who are married when the kid is born, but not when it is conceived. Even though my sisters have a different father, I was still the second born to my dad, so yay I'm most definitely not a bastard. I also find it a delicious irony that everyone of my nieces and nephews are bastard children. Though I'd never say it to their face, or near their mothers. I don't have the cajones. (balls as far as I know)

2. Bitch
This one is almost so well known that I didn't really want to mention it, but hey, I need to stretch out the list somehow right? Bitch means female dog, which is why it's typically only women that are called bitches as an insult. Bitch. It's also interesting to note that "Son of a bitch" should really only be said to guys, and is an insult to their mothers. Although now "son of a bitch" tends to mean someone who's pretty crafty anyway, so eh.

3. Gay
Gay means happy, which is fun cos most of the homosexuals I know are also the happiest. So here's a protip for you, find the biggest, hardest, happiest man you can, and call him gay. See if you can get out of the death match he'll give you. Unless he's actually a big, hard, homosexual, in which case I advise that you just leave him be unless you're into that kind of thing.

4. Fornicate
Alright, fornicate isn't really a swear word, but it's still a fun word. Which contrary to seemingly popular belief does not mean sex, but is actually pre-marital sex. So if you're a bastard child it's pretty clear that your parents fornicated at least once.

5. Ass
Again, this one might not fit really, but I was running out of words. An ass is a donkey, specifically a male one I believe.

If you call someone an ass, this is what you mean

So there you are, five words which are now less rude. But again, I'm not going to responsible if you get hurt, physically or mentally, or in trouble, for the use of any of these words. There are also other words that don't mean bad things all the time, but there are some things that shouldn't be touched. As a last note, never ever EVER search Google for "Ass" when you mean donkey.

Ever.

Damn that was a lot of ass.

Also, again, I'll apologise if I managed to offend you, but I gave you enough warning at the start of the post, and I won't apologise for saying any words I've said.

3 comments:

  1. I saw a book once that was researching the origin of all swear words - looked super interesting! I don't know why I didn't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I once had something similar happen in class, and the teacher sort of flipped over it. Took me a solid five minutes and recital of a Wikipedia page to convince her I wasn't swearing in class.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I once adopted a donkey for a couple of years until he passed on! Awwww!

    Where were we!? Assess! LOL! Yes, be very careful what you google...! Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete

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