Friday, 18 September 2015

Zen Master Mark

Yesterday a friend of mine managed to surprise me a little. I've been falling apart just a teeny tiny bit and she herself has been surprised by that. Even when we were younger she felt I always held myself together really well. I was always calm, chill, and never seemed to be bothered by too much. She even said she wouldn't mind being as zen as I appear to be.
That's one zen frog
For the most part it is pretty true. I don't really react to much. I don't care much for violence or anger. I rarely feel anger. It's quickly pushed aside to be replaced with nothing. Whenever I get angry I stop getting angry and just feel nothing instead. Throw in my depression that keeps me quiet and you have someone who seems to be at peace with the world.
One of the meanings behind this card
To be honest I sometimes get worried about that. I don't see it as such a good thing. It's more that I'm dead inside. It's weird, a little scary too, to not respond emotionally to a lot of things. I don't know if I'm balanced or just empty inside. One would be good. The other not so much.

I suppose the fact I occasionally feel something suggests I'm not quite dead inside. I'm just an excellent coper. I feel I could shrug off just about anything. Not that I want to ever find out but I could probably cope my way through prison and, when asked what it was like, merely shrug and say "Meh."

Fuck me I am Generation X.

4 comments:

  1. I guess people never know what's going on for a person on the inside as they only see the outward appearance of someone trying to "hold it together."

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  2. The ability to shrug things off and just roll with the punches is a special one, at least if I'm to believe what people've told me. So, treasure it for that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're not just repressing a whole bunch of stuff, are you? If you are, though, you wouldn't be consciously aware of it because that's an unconscious mechanism. Jeez, who the hell am I today . . . Dr Debra Freud?

    ReplyDelete

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