Monday, 25 April 2016

The Monotony Of Life

I've gone and found myself in a position that I really hate to be in. The kind of position that I hate the most. I've gone and found myself kind of stuck in a rut; in an almost infinite loop of similarity. As much as I hate change I also hate monotony. I hate it when everything is the same every day. That's why I was so confused about what day it was last week. All my days kind of blend together. It's not happened to me on this level since the super depression of my late teens. Those days are so dark that I can't even tell you what I did because I don't remember. I'm pretty sure all that memory repression is another reason I have such issues now. I repressed my early teens and my late teens. I think I have more memories of being 3-8 than I do of being 12-19.
It didn't happen if you don't let yourself remember it.
Whenever someone asks me what I do or what I've been up to I don't really have an answer for them. It's exactly the same. I wake up, I have breakfast, I do my writing work in the afternoon and I play games in the evening. That's it. That's really all I've done for the past month now. Except for shopping trips, the occasional visit to the gym, and my voluntary work almost nothing different happens in my life. Even that follows a set pattern though. Gym on Monday and Thursday, shopping on Wednesday and volunteering on Sunday.

It's kind of odd that as much as I hate change I also really do hate things being stale. I need to do something but I have no time to really do anything else. Or energy for that matter. I'm considering starting driving lessons sooner rather than later. Dad was complaining that his back is hurting but he's still the main driver in the family. Not that I can stick to his driving schedule. He drives a lot when I'm working, which is another reason I don't get out of the house much.

10 comments:

  1. I understand exactly where you're coming from when it comes to being stuck in a rut and how much of a problem it can be, I hate the feeling that I'm staying the same as I have recently so I really can relate.

    Great point on my post by the way, I really appreciate seeing things from your point of view on such a regular basis.

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  2. Driving lessons would be a good change Mark and very useful skill.

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  3. Definitely move up those driving lessons!

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  4. There's a point where your brain sort of switches to an elaborate kind of autopilot, and it sounds like you crossed it. Make a chance to something you do daily that changes the way you do that thing. If you want to go hardcore: switch to a different keyboard layout. If you still want to get work done: change the layout and location of other things you use daily. Reorganize your room, sit in a different place when working, etc. They aren't major changes, easily revertible, but it'll definitely speed-bump that autopilot.

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    Replies
    1. Also yeah, learn a new skill. Driving lessons, juggling, whatever. New things are change too!

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  5. I know what you mean about monotony. I'm a school custodian (aka "Janitor With Keys"). Today I clean toilets and dump trash. Tomorrow, I clean toilets and dump trash. On Wednesday, I...well, you get the picture. Yep. Living the dream.

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  6. When that happens to me, I need to move residences. Seriously. I don't know how it works, but it does. I position events in my life according to what music I was listening to and where I was living.

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  7. The worst thing is the hopelessness. Just keep trying your best and don't get down when you fail at something. Thomas Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

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  8. I'm lucky in that I have a job with variety. I also get out on my bike, that keeps my mind clear. I know a bit about depression, I had a breakdown 4 years ago and it's something I'll never get over (I have come to accept that), it's true your mind blots out the darker times. Try and mix up your routine, get out into the fresh air and watch the world.

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  9. Not the first person to be stuck in a rut nor will you be the last person to be stuck in one, finding ones way out of said rut is not so easy

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