Thursday, 27 October 2016

Live Post About My Problems

It's a live post today folks because by the time I realised I didn't have anything to go it was 3AM and it was much too late. At least I did have something in mind to talk about so I can talk about it live instead on a slight delay.

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I went back to the doctors for help losing weight. They've put me on this thing where I meet what I assume is a nutritionist once every few weeks and a lady who is a psychologist once every two or three months. So far I've had two meetings with the guy nutritionist and one with the lady psychologist. I met with the guy yesterday and he said something that really hit me. It depressed the hell out of me but it hit me pretty damn hard in a good way.

I got to talking to him about how I had made a few fuck ups over the past few weeks. I opened up about how my major problem wasn't emotional eating, but rather lack-of-emotional eating. See; when I get depressed, hurt, or upset, I just stop feeling. I have these periods of being extremely down where nothing bad or good gets in. THAT'S when I make all my eating mistakes. I actually only gained a pound which means that if I didn't mess up and eat pizza I would have actually lost a few pounds. I told him that even though I've never been suicidal (I even gave my own psychologist the great line of "It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem"; apparently she'd never heard it and said she was going to use it now) I'm still a fairly self-destructive person and was aware that I was eating myself to death.

That's when he told me the thing that really opened my eyes. He said that, in a way, my self-destructive eating is a form of self-harm. I got to thinking and I realised that he was absolutely right. It really was a form of self-harm. That was...depressing. Like I said though it opened my eyes.

I need to think of a better way to distract myself during those really low periods. I need to find a better, healthier way to get it out of my system. I got problems and I got a list of issues a mile long but recognising them is the first step towards moving past them.

4 comments:

  1. You described it yourself as "self-destructive", yet you wouldn't be quick to file that under "self-harm" even though it's basically the same thing. I feel that stems from an incorrect way of understanding society has when it comes to mental problems. It's not the actions themselves, but rather the cause and purpose of those actions that really say something about what's going on. Your depressions cause you to eat, in the same way other people's depression cause them to cut themselves. As you said, the purpose is distraction of a problem the psyche can't find another way of dealing with.
    Interesting, "thanks for sharing". (:

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  2. I'm the same as you Mark, up and down with the food intake, the depression and the rage, I haven't been able to figure out a solution yet or whether I want to anymore!

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  3. Good luck, understanding it more should definitely help

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  4. I agree completely with what they said. It definitely is a form of self destructivness, in the same way when I abuse medication it is. The thing is Mark that I'm with Fang in that it's not necessarily self harm. You actually want to try to lose weight and to get help and I think that is so admirable, imagine how bad a position you would be in if you just didn't want to help yourself, you'd get nowhere.

    You actually do want help and you're seeking it and that makes you far more aware and ready to beat the problem that you have than I think you realise. Just keep on fighting it and don't give up because you can get out of this Mark, you just have to want to enough.

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